


TeacherxxStudent

by deadp0et



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-09 20:51:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5554874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadp0et/pseuds/deadp0et
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi, guys! So, I have another version of this fanfiction, but in a different fandom. So I thought it'd be fun to re-write it (so to speak) for the destiel fandom. (:<br/>I hope you guys like it.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Teacher x Student](https://archiveofourown.org/works/887867) by [deadp0et](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadp0et/pseuds/deadp0et). 



> Hi, guys! So, I have another version of this fanfiction, but in a different fandom. So I thought it'd be fun to re-write it (so to speak) for the destiel fandom. (:  
> I hope you guys like it.

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

_  
_ I woke up to the obnoxious sound of my alarm clock. I kept my face buried in my pillow as I moved my hand around, searching for the 'snooze' bar. When I didn't find, I pulled my head up and let my eyes adjust to the light streaming into the room. I shut off the alarm and sat up, groggily rubbing the sleep from my eyes and padding into the bathroom that was connected to my room. I went through my daily routine which consisted of; Showering, brushing my teeth, blow dying my hair, then throwing on what ever out fit I had that wasn't dirty. Exactly in that order. After that was all done, I trotted down the stairs. "Mmmm, something smells good." I walked in and kissed my mom on the cheek.

"Morning sweetheart." She gave me a smile.

"Morning mom, what's for brekfast?" I sat down at the table and rubbed my hands together, anxious to see what my lovely mother made.

"Eggs, bacon, and just because I love you...Nutella smothered pancakes." She placed the plate stacked with pancakes infront of me.

"Thank you," I grabbed a fork and dug in, finishing my whole plate in about 10 minutes.

"Cas, I don't think the food was going anywhere."

I smirked and tinished my glass of orange juice. I got up from the table, bringing my plate and glass with me. I set them in the sink and briefly rinsed them off. "Bye mom," grabbing my keys and bag from the couch, I jogged out the door.

"I love you too, have a good day at school." She called as I shut the door behind me.

I hopped into my truck, throwing my bag into the back. I made my way down the street to pick up my best friend, Charlie. She was just getting out of her house as I pulled up. "Hurry your little ass up, we're gonna be late!" She rolled her eyes and walked through her lawn, opening up the passenger side door and climbing into the car. It was always a chore for her to get into my truck due to her height. I laughed as she finally got into the seat, tossing her bag into the back right next to mine. "It's about damn time. God, I swear, you women take forever to get ready in the morning."

She punched my shoulder. "Fuck you, asshole.

I smiled as I pulled away from the curb and began driving towards Standley Lake High School. 

"Hey, Did you hear about our new music teacher?" Charlie inquired as we both got out of the car, grabbing our bags.

 "Yeah, what happened to the last one?"

She shrugged. "Well, I guess it's because she never really tought us anything." I made an "o" shape with my mouth. "Hey, maybe we'll get a hot teacher." Charlie wiggeled her eyebrows.

"Are you kidding me? We never get hot teachers, guy or girl." I sighed. Charlie knew I was gay and so did everyone else, it never seemed to be a problem.

"Whatever, but I did hear it was a chick, if she's hot, I call dibs." Charlie was openly gay as well, we never really tried to hide our sexualities.

"You can have her if she's a chick." She laughed and I shook my head.

"Apparently his name is Mr.Winchester," she pouted, "I swear we never get hot girl teachers."

"I literally just said that." Charlie rolled her eyes at me, again.

"I have third period with him."

I shrugged my shoulders and put my schedule in her face. "I have first period so Ha!" I stuck out my tongue.

"Oh, very mature Castiel." She shook her head.

"Haha, yeah. Whatever. I have to get to class." I clapped Charlie on the shoulder and walked down the hallway towards the music room. I stopped in the doorway. Seeing a dirty blond haired, bright green eyed, and combat boot wearin music teacher...Damn, he was hot. He looked up and smiled...god, his smile was stunning.

"Don't be shy, Come on in." I detected a slight canadian accent.

"Hi, I'm Castiel."

The music teacher got up and intorduced him self. "I'm Mr.Winchester, you can call me Mr. W if you'd like." He stuck out a hand for me to shake.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Winchester." I smiled in return.

"Your seat is right over there." He pointed over next to the drums. He already had seating charts? Ugh, he was one of  _those_ teachers. Great. Just fucking great. I went and sat down as more kids started pouring into the room, groaning as Mr. Winchester told them were to sit. I swear, teachers enjoy it when kids groan. They like seeing them unhappy...well, that was my conclusion at least.  
***  
Class went by kind of slow, Mr. W introduced him self and talked out how he was from Canada and had a younger brother. Yada yada yada. I wasn't paying much attention until he said that he was going to go around the room and ask people to intoduce themselves and say one thing out themselves. "I'll throw you this ball and you'll answer my question, sound good?" The students nodded. Mr. Winchester looked around the room, then directly at me, smirking before he tossed the ball in my direction. I caught it and awaited his question. "Tell me three things about yourself."

"Uhh.." My face heated and I wished that my chair would swallow me whole, "My name is Castiel Novak,"  _that was a stupid thing to say, everyone already knows that._ "I'm from Colorado and I enjoy reading."

A couple of people around the room snickered and one said, "fag." I rolled my eyes at this remark.

"Now now now, that wasn't very funny." Everyone immediatly stopped laughing and paid their full and undivided attention to the very imtimidating teacher.

The bell rang and I got up as quickly as I could, itching to get out of there. Successfully landing smack on my face from tripping on my shoe lace. I looked around and saw some combat boots standing in front of me. "Clumsy much?" His deep voice rang out. I reached for the hand he had put out and pulled myself up.

"W-whatever." I walked out, embarrassed.

******

I sighed as I walked into my room and shut the door behind me...all I was thinking about through out the whole day was the new music teacher. I knew I probably shouldn't, but who could not think about him? I mean, he had all the girls practically fawning over him, and a few guys too. I didn't blame them, Mr. Winchester was damn good looking. Thinking about him couldn't hurt, could it? I stripped myself of my shirt and pants, placing them with a baggy T-shirt and a pair of batman pajamas. I flopped into bed and moved around abit before colsing my eyes.  
***  
I don't know how long I had been resting, but I woke to the sound of my phone going off from a text. I sighed and picked up the cell, clicking the home button, revealing that Charlie had messaged me.

_You ready for the party? It's going to fucking rock._

My eyes widened.  _Shit._ I jumped out of bed and searched for something to wear. I settled on a plain white shirt and a pair of jet black jeans and a jacket. Not really party worthy, but who gave a fuck? I didn't

_Hey, I'm on my way to the party right now._

I put on the jacket and walked out. Charlie's house was about 2 blocks down, and I didn't really want to drive. I shrugged and began making my way to her house, only stopping when I saw some guys waiting at the corner.  _Fuck._

"Hey, there's the little fag." Alastair smiled wickedly. I turned around and started walking away when one of them, Crowley, tripped me.

"Where do you think you're going, you faggot!" He kicked me in the ribs causing me to cry out. "Was that hard enough, cock sucker?!" He kicked me another three times before Alastair got a turn.

"No one would miss you if you were dead." He spit in my face then punched me in the stomach. I groaned out in pain. His left fist hit my jaw and I spit out quite a lot of blood. He gave me another hit, only this one hit my eyes. I yelped out in pain as his ring ripped the skin right above my eye open.

"Hey, hey! Get away from him!" Someone came up to the guys causing them to drop me to the ground and scatter.

"I'll see you later, Novak." Alastair called as he and his friends ran off. I could still hear them laughing for a couple more minutes.

"Are you okay?" The man who scared Alastair and his friends off came up to me, trying to help me up causing me to cry out in pain.

"I-I'm fine." Once I was up, I looked at him and my breath caught. "Mr. Winchester?"

"Castiel?" He seemed just as shocked as I was.

"What are you-"

"I could ask you the same thing," he inturrupted.

"I was on my way to a party."I wiped the access blood that was dripping from my mouth. "Your turn."

"I was just out going for a run." I nodded and tried to move, but winched. "Are you sure you're okay?" He seemed genuinly worried.

"Yeah."

"That's a lie," He blinked a couple of times. "Let me take you back to my house and get you cleaned up." I opened my mouth to speak, but he stopped me. "It wasn't a question. Come on." I sighed as he helped me over to his car. A black four-door 1967 Chevy Impala.

 _Not bad._  
***  
We pulled up in front of what I assumed to be Mr. Winchester's house and he opened the car door to help me out. What a gentleman. We made our way to the front door. "Hold on." He fished arounf in his pocket and found his keys, unlocking the house. "Let me go get the first aid kit. Just go sit down on the couch." He flipped on the light and I complied and walked over to the couch, slowly lowering myself down. He came back a couple of mnutes later carrying a small plactic bucket. He grabbed the foot rest that was next to one of the chairs and puleld it closer to the couch, sitting down so he could look at me. "Here, let me see your eye." Alastair's ring had left quite a cut. Blood was slowly dripping down my face. "It looks pretty bad, I'll have to stitch it up." Mr. Winchester dipped a wash cloth in some clear liquid. "This may sting a little, but it will numb the cut so I can sew it up okay?"

I nodded. "Alright." Once the wet cloth hit the wound, I jerked back. "Motherfucker, that shit burns."

"I'm sorry, I have to numb it up. The stitches will hurt much worse if I don't." I settled down a bit. "Now, hold still." He continued rubbing the liquid of the gash and after a couple of minutes, the area did in fact go numb. "Tell me if you feel this."

"Feel what?"

He chuckled. "Alright, I think we're good." He opened up a needle that contained a very very thin black string.. I got use to the pain after about 5 minutes. "So," He talked as he stitched up the cut. "Who were those guys?"

"Just some douche bags who don't agree with my life choices." I could feel his breathing. 

"What do you mean?"

I tried to squirm. "I'm gay."

"Oh," He didn't really seem to have much of a reaction. After a couple of minutes of silence, he spoke up. "I get that. I used to get teased all of the time for being gay. Especially by my dad, he was probably the worst out of all of my highschool bullies."

 _He's gay._ I tried not to react. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "It's fine, it's in the past." He grabbed a pair of medical scissors and cut the string. "Okay, let just.." He placed two butterfly band aids over the cut, which now felt 20 times better.

"Thanks." I gave a smile.

"Did they hit you anywhere else?"

"My ribs."

"Airhgt, well, let's see them."  I shifted around awkwardly. I didn't want to take my shirt off. "If you're uncomfortable, that's fine. I can just-"

I inturrupted. "No, it's fine." I lifted up my shirt just enough for him to see the sea of blue, purple, yellows, and blacks.

"Okay, I need to make sure your ribs aren't broken. This is going to hurt."

"Oh fun." The sarcasm in my voice was palpable. He pushed down, and I cried out.

"Can you breath in and then out for me?" I nodded and took a deep breath in, then exhaled. "I wear some wheezing, but I don't think any of your ribs are broken. I'll go grab you a heating pad that you can take home. It will help with the pain. " I nodded and put my shirt back down. "By the way, cool shark tattoo." I could feel myself blushing. "You want a ride home or-?"

I shook my head. "I'll call one of my friends."

Mr. Winchester smiled. "Alright, see you in class." I said thanks again before walking out and calling Charile. I knew it would be a couple of minutes because she'd have to grab her dad's keys. I sighed.   
***  
"Hey, Castiel. I'm sorry..."She looked worried.

I stopped her. "I'm fine."

She gave a half-hearted smile. "Alright then, do you wanna spend the night so your mom doesn't freak?"

I nodded. "That sounds good." I dug throught my jacket and found my phone and called my mom, she didn't asnwer so I left her a message. "Hey mom, I'm gonna spend the night at Charlie's, we have a history project to do." I hated lieing to my mom, but if she saw my like this, I knew her heart couldnt possibly take it. It'd have to come up with an excuse. "I'll see you tomorrow, I love you." I hung up and let my head hit the back of the seat.

"So...Mr. Winchester," she wiggled her eyebrows.

A small smile spread across my lips. "Yeah...and I found out that he is in fact gay."

Charlie's jaw dropped. "Really?"

I nodded "Yeah. I guess we can get hot teachers from time to time."


	2. Chapter 2

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

 

I stirred lightly in the bed, rolling over right on top of Charlie. "Shit." She groaned and pushed me off. "Sorry, Charlie." I chuckled as she flipped me off. I reached for my phone, pressing the home button so I could see the time.  _Shit! It's 8:22, school starts in 15 minutes._ "Charlie, get the fuck up, dude! We're gonna be late." I jumped out of bed, threw on my pants and shirt from the previous night.  _God, I have to do something about my hair._ I looked in the mirror and saw myself, I was a mess. Black eye, busted lip, and a pretty nasty cut.  _Never mind that part, I need to fix my hair._ I messed with it a little until it had that signature sex hair look to it. I liked it that way. I walked out of the bathroom and yelled at Charlie again, but soon seeing she was already awake and dressed. Perfectly. "How the hell did you get dressed so fast?"

Charlie rolled her eyes, picking up her back and her dad's car keys. Thank god he us his car. "Do you really think that is something to talk about when we're gona be late to school? You know what happens if we're late." She ushered me out of the door. We both jogged over to the black escalade and  I jumped into the passenger seat. Let me explain why we're worried about being late; We have these things called raptor passes. You have to get one even if you're only a minute late to class and your teacher also has the right to give you detention if need be. I've already gotten 5 raptor passes so if I get another one, I'll get after school detention for two weeks. I don't need that right now.  
***  
I ran into the school, taking a left down the hall towards the music room. The bell had rung about 3 minutes ago so, yes, I was in fact late to class. And I was hoping I wouldn't be in to much trouble for it. I slowed down as I neared the music room and took in a deep breath before I opened the music room door.

"You're late." Mr. Winchester looked up to  me, disappointment in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." I sighed and walked over to my seat.

"Well, sorry doesn't cut it. I won't make you get a raptor, but you do owe me 45 minutes detention after school." 

 _Damn it._ I threw my backpack by my seat and slumped down, I already knew this would be a bad day.

"Okay, so today we're going to talk about..." Mr. Winchester started talking but I zoned out, looking around the room at all of all of the cheesy posters that were hung up and noticing that the paint in the room was chipping. I hadn't realized that he had called on me. "Castiel, can you answer my question?"

I could feel my cheeks heating up. "I'm sorry, w-what was the question?" Some people glared at me.

"Can you name three of the worlds' most famous composers?"

I thought for a moment, then sighed. "No, I can't."

Mr. Winchester looked at me. "Were you listening, Castiel?"

I shook my head. "No, I wasn't."

Mr. W sat down at his desk. "And, why is that? Were you distracted by something, your phone perhaps?"

I started getting slightly mad, I was already in a bad mood and now he's making it worse. "No, I wasn't-"

He inturrepted. "Give me your phone."

I reached for my phone, then stopped. "No."

He looked at me, shocked. "What did you say?"

I sat up straight, making eye contact. "I said no. You can't have my phone, I wasn't even-"

He put his hand up. "That's it, you just made your 45 minutes detention 2 hours detention. Now, give me your phone or I'll have the principal take it from you." I sighed and handed him my phone. "Thank you." The bell rang right after he said that, and I was the first to leave.  
***  
The whole school day went by pretty quick, nothing unusual. I caught up with Charlie to tell her about what happened. "He seriously did that?"

I nodded. "Yeah, and I wasn't even on it. Now I have 2 hours with the man, god he irritates me."

Charlie sighed. "It does sound like he over-reacted. I'm sorry man. I'll come and get you when you're 2 hours in hell is over." She clapped me on the shoulder and walked out of the building. I turned around and proceeded to walk down to the music room where Mr. Winchester was most likely waiting. I stood in the doorway for a moment. "Well, come in." I rolled my eyes and walked into the empty room. "Don't role your eyes at me. Let's not forget that your attitude is what got you here in the first place. I can add more time if you'd like." Mr. W said matter-of-factly.

"Whatever." I threw my bag down and took a seat.

"Watch the attitude." He pointed a finger at me.

"Sorry. Can I have my phone back now?" I asked, hoping the answer would be yes.

"Here." He pulled out the rose gold Iphone with the 'Kara's Flowers' case on it. "Who's Kara's Flowers?" Mr. Winchester looked at me quizically.

"Oh, it's my band." I shoved the phone into my pocket.

"How did you get a case to have your bands name on it?" Mr. W sorted through some of his papers.

"I got it custom made." I said in response. "Now, I'm sure you didn't drag me here to talk about my phone case." I waited for a reply.

"No, I dragged you here because one, you were late. And two, you gave me attitude. What was that about?"

I shrugged. "You caught me on a bad day, alright?"

Mr. Winchester shook his head. "Well, that doesn't give you an exuse to disrespect me."

Okay, that's it. I was really getting sick of this guy. "You know what, Mr.I'm-a-hot-shot-teacher, yeah I gave you attitude and no I'm not sorry for it." I said matter-of-factly.

"Another 30 minutes Novak." 

"Whatever." I slumped down in my chair, and let the silence ingulf me. I did start to feel bad about the attitude I had been giving him and I wanted to t tell him that I was sorry for being such a brat...I could've gone easier on the guy.

"Castiel, I need you to wash off the white board." Mr. Winchester handed me a rag and a little bottle of something.

"Do I have to?" I looked up at him from my desk.

"Yes, you do." He set the supplies on my desk and gestured for me to get up.

"Fine." I grabbed the two things and walked over to the board, and spayed the liquid from the bottle onto the rag and in a few swift movements the board was clean. "There." I set the supplies on Mr. W's desk and went to sit back down. "

Thank you." I just nodded then took out my phone and texted Carson.

_Hey, You still with Mr. Winchester?_

A small smile spread across my lips. 

_Yeah, he's being a real D bag at the moment. He thinks he's all hot shit or something._

_He sounds like it. What is he making you do?_

_Not much, he made me wash off the white board but other than that, all he's been doing is sifting through all of the papers on his desk._

I glanced up from my phone, seeing Mr. Winchester sitting at his desk, still looking through papers. How many papers can one teacher have?

_Wow, consider yourself lucky. Most teachers would  make you crawl to china and back when you're in detention._

I laughed at Charlie's text, soon regretting it when he looked up from his stack of papers. "Is something funny?"

I shook my head immediately. "No."

He got up and made his way over to me. "May I see your phone?"

I looked at him. "W-why?" He didn't answer me, he snagged the phone out of my hand and read the text messages.

"Yeah, he's being a real D bag at the moment. He thinks he's all hot shit or something." Mr. Winchester looked upset.

"Yeah, uh, sorry about that." I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Ya know, Castiel. I don't get you. You've been in such a bad mood since the moment you stepped foot in this class room this morning and all of your anger seems to be pointed at me. Did I do something?"

I shrugged. "Oh, I don't know, could it be do to the fact that you're keeping me here for 2 hours and 30 minutes?" I quipped back.

"So, that's why you're upset with me, because I gave you detention?"

I nodded. "Sure, why not." That was so not the reason why I was having a bad day, but he didn't need to know that.

Mr. Winchester stood up from where he was sitting. "Well, then you can go."

I looked shocked. "Really, you're just going to let me walts out here like nothing ever happened?"

He nodded. "If it makes you like me."

I got up and grabbed my phone from his hand. "Well, consider yourself liked." I turned on my heels and walked out. "Hey," I stopped and turned back around.

"Yeah?"

I gave Mr. Winchester a sly smile. "Thank you for helping me out lat night, it means more than you think, Mr. Winchester."

He nodded. "No problem, oh, and call me Dean." He smiled at me and I walked out. Dean...that was a nice name.  
***  
An hour later I found myself sitting in Charlie's room, listening and she went on and on about how lucky I was. "Oh my gosh, what if he  _likes_ you? Do you have any idea how amazingly awesome that would be? Gosh, you are so fucking lucky. Now I want detention with him. I mean, he sounded like a real dick but he isn't..only if he was a girl..." Her words faltered for a moment, "he wants you to like him. Oh my fucking god, he likes you. I know it. Yup, he likes you." Charlie sat down next to me.

"Look, Char, He was just trying to be nice. I mean, what are the odds that he actually likes me? I just his student and he didn't want one of his students to hate him.  That's all. And why would he like me anyway? I'm just,,,me." I looked at my wrinkled tee shirt and my tight as fuck jeans, not to mention my hair.

"You're not bad looking. And what's so bad about a teacher likeing you anyways?"

I looked at Charlie, dumb founded. "Are you serious right now? What's wrong with a teacher likeing me? Oh jee, could it be the fact that he could get fired and possibly be facing criminal charges?"

Charlie sighed. "Well, sorry then."

I sighed. "I know, I'm sorry. But, he wouldn't like me anyway, would he?"

Charlie smiled. "If he does then you better go to school looking better than that." She eyed me up and down.

"God, I can't believe we're doing this. We are acting like pre-pubesent teens.." I fell back onto her bed. 

She fell with me. "I know, but hey! The upside is that if Mr. Winchester does like you then you have a very good looking guy under your belt. That's cool, especially since he's a teacher."

I laughed at Charlie's enthusiasm. _Maybe he does like me..._ all I could to was wonder at this point in time.


	3. Chapter 3

_Castiel's P.O.V. . . ._

_Okay, all I have to do is talk to him. Yeah...just talk. That's sounds nice._ I smiled to myself as I came up with a plan, a way to tell Mr. Winchester, I mean Dean, that I was sorry for being such a dick. For giving him attitude.  _Yeah, I'll be good with that._ I was pulled from my thoughts from what sounded like Dean's voice. "Castiel,Castiel."

I looked away from my feet and focused my attention to Dean. "Yes, Mr. Winchester?" I knew better than to call him by his first name in class.

"Were you paying attention?" 

 _I really need to work on that._ "No, I wasn't."

He sighed and looked at me. "Then, I have no other choice than to make you stay after school. I'll talk to you about it after class." I sighed and just nodded. No attitude.   
***  
I awaited what Dean was going to say to me.  _I hope it isn't to bad..._

"Castiel, can I talk to you?" I nodded and walked up to him. "Is there a reason why you have such a hard time staying focused in class?"

I sighed. "Honestly...sometimes I just zone out, it's nothing I can control. It just happend. Dean made an "o" shape with his mouth. "I don't have that big of an attention span, I zone out sometimes and I can't focus on one thing for more than a few minutes." I huffed out a breath and went to sit down.

"So, that's why you don't pay attention in class?" I nodded. "Well, there's a lot more to this class than just sitting here. We learn things and complete assignments. I will have no other choice but to keep you after school until you catch up to everyone else."

I looked at him, wide eyed. "But...It's not my fault I zone out so easily, I can't help that."

Dean nodded in agreement. "I know, but you're behind everyone else, I have to catch you up or you're going to fail this class" I sighed and let my head hit the desk. "I'm...I'm sorry about this, Cas."

 _He called me Cas._ I pulled my head up and looked at him. "Look, it's fine. This class is an elective. I don't have to take it." I adjusted my bag on my shoulders and started walking out, but Dean stopped me.

"Wait, Castiel, I don't want you to drop this class. I  want to be in here."

I sighed and turned around. "I honestly don't have the time everyday to stay after school, and I know it sounds like I'm being a brat about this, but I really don't have the time. Between the IB program and everything I have to do at home, there's no room. I mean, my mom is probably going to start thinking that I'm using drugs or something." 

He sighed and took a step closer to me. "How about it if.. come over for dinner. You can introduce me to your mom and I can explain all of this to her. Then she'll understand. Please. I want to keep you in this class."

I think Dean could tell that I wanted to stay in this class as much as he wanted me to. _But why does he want me to stay enrolled in this class so badly?_ That was the pressing question at the moment, but we could discuss that later. Right now, we needed to get back to the problem at hand. "Okay, I can do that. Yeah, that sounds good."

Dean sighed again, "I feel like I'm pushing this on you...Castiel, you don't have to do this if don't want to. It was just an idea..."

I shook my head. "No, it'll be fine. I really do want to stay in tihs class, plus I would love for you to meet my mom."

He smiled. Then, before I could stop it, I gave Dean a hug.  _Shit._ I was about to pull away when he put both of his arms around me and hugged me back... _Wow, that went better than I had planned._  "Thanks Dean." I pulled away then walked out, but soon turned around when I realized I would need a pass for being late. "Oh, uhhh." He looked at me expectantly.

"Yeah?"

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Can I..uhh....can I have a pass?" He nodded and grabbed a pass then handed it to me. "Thanks." 

~****~

 

"Hey, mom. I'm home!" I walked in through the front door and tossed my bag onto the couch.

"Hey sweetie, dinner is almost done." she greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Alright." She let go and I followed her into the kitchen. "Hey, can I talk to you about something?"

She looked at me, then nodded. "Of course."

I smiled and continued. "Well, my music teacher, Mr. Winchester, well I uh..I was wondering if he could maybe come over for dinner tomorrow. He really wants to meet you and he needs to discuss a couple of things with you." 

"Oh no," My mom looked scared, "this isn't about a behavorial thing, is it? Have you been mis-behaving in class?" 

I chuckled. "No, mom. I promise this meeting isn't negative." 

She smiled at me. "Then of course he can come to dinner, honey. Tomorrow you said?" I nodded. She went back to making some other dinner preparations. "That sounds good."

I smiled and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks mom." I walked out of the kitchen and into my room. Stopping when I remembered that I was supposed to meet Charlie.  _Fuck._ I ran upstairs, changed my cloths and told my mom where I was going out before I grabbed my keys off of the table and going out to my car so I coudld drive down to the AMC, which wasn't far...but it wasn't close enough to walk, either.  
***

"Hey, Charlie." I greeted her in the lobby.

"Why are you late?"

"I kind of spaced that you and I were going to see a movie today, I've had a lot of other things on my mind which I will talk to you about later."

"Well, guess who's here," Charlie pointed over to the consession stand where Dean was standing, waiting in line with a bag of popcorn and a large dirnk.

"What the hell?" Part of me was actually kind of excited to see him here. "Can we just get the tickets and go?"

Charlie looked at me. "Are you...okay?"

I sighed. "I'm fine, can we just go?" I turned around and started walked backwards so I could see Charlie.

"Castiel, look out," I turned around and ran into what felt like a brick wall, seeing that is wasn't a brick wall, but my 6'3 teacher. "Damnit," I placed my hand on my forehead and leaned my head back, closing my eyes.

"Sorry about that." Dean put out a hand and I took it.

"It's okay." Once I was on my feet again I dusted off my shirt.

"Oh, hey Mr. Winchester." Charlie came running to my side.

"Hello, Charlie." Dean smiled at her then looked at me again. "You okay?"

I nodded. "I'm fine." That came out with more venom then I would have liked.

"Castiel," Charlie whispered sharply as she elbowed me in my side, I winced.

"Well, alrighty then, what brings you to the movies tonight?"

I rolled my eyes. "We're hunting elaphants." Charlie elbowed me...again.

"Okay, I'll admit, that was a pretty dumb question. But, what I meant to say was what movie are you guys seeing?" 

She stepped in, answering for me, "Star Wars; The Force Awakens." I glared at her.

"Really? Well, I'll be damned, I just bought a ticket to see that too." 

"Well, you could watch it with us, if you'd like." I tried to show no interest in the prospect of going to see a movie with Dean.

"Yeah, yeah. Sure. But would I get a couple of minutes to talk to Castiel?" Charlie nodded and walked into theatre number 4. "Hey," He smiled at me and I melted on the inside. "Did you ask your mom about me coming to dinner tomorrow night?"

I nodded. "Yeah, she said it was okay."   
After the movie was over, I told Charlie that I had to get home and she walked the other way towards where she had parked her dad's car. I took in a deep breath, letting the night's cool and crisp air wash through me. I noticed a couple of people standing near my truck, I didn't recognixe them at first, but as soon as I realized who they were, it was too late. "Look, guys. I don't want any trouble." I watched as they circled me.  Two of the guys, Crowley and Adam, came up behind me and held onto my while Alastair hit mt multiple times in the abdomen and one time to the face

"Let him go." His goons let go of me and I fell to my knees. He kicked me in the side and I fell over, he then proceeded to kick me in the ribs, consecutively, about 6 times, and after they had disperesed, not with out calling out surogatory names of course, I was writhing in pain. It must have been too much for my body t handle because I passed out right then and there.

******

I woke up, and sitrred around a little before I felt all the pain radiate through my body.  _What happened last night?_ All I remembered was Alastair and his buddies kicking my ass, and then everything went fuzzy. I didn't remember anything after that. W _here am I?_ I looked around the unfamilair room, taking in my surroundings. Dark blue wallpaper, that was all that was in there besides a dresser and a bed.  _Okay, I'm starting to get creeped out._ I got out of bed, ccarful not to go to fast otherwise I would end up back down. I opened the door slightly, looking through the crack, trying to see something, anything. But all I saw was a very familiar couch.  _Have I been here before?_ I looked around a little more, seeing the kitchen. And it felt like I'd been here before.  _Wait a_ second...Realization washed through me. _Fuck._ I walked out of the room and into the kitchen, looking around some more. "You hungry?"

An all-to-familair canadian accent filled my ears.  _Goddamnit._ "No...I uh, I was..." My face heated. "How did I get here?" I turned to face Dean.

"Well, after the movie Charlie found me and told me that you were about to leabe, so I tried to find you and I did, but you were out cold and you looked pretty bad to." He gestured a finger at my face. "What was that all about?" 

I rolled my eyes. "I told you, they don't agree with my lifestyle." I sighed and hobbled over to one of the chairs that was in the kitchen. 

"So, just because you're gay, those boys think that it's okay to beat the hell out of you?"

I nodded.

"Well, that's just stupid. I mean, I had my fair share of beat downs but it was mostly just a busted lip or a black eye, never broken ribs, or anything as serious as what you're going through"

I let my head gently hit the table. "Well, things have changed. People now a days don't give a shit about anybody or anything. Just themselves." My voice was slightly muffled.

"That's just bullshit if you ask me, the school should do something about all of this. It's kind of ridiculous."

 _Dont I have schoo today?_ "I have school today...god damnit!" I facepalmed.

"Oh, don't worry 'about that." Dean got up an grabbed a beer.

"Why?" I aked quizically.

"Well, as far as your mom's concerned, you're on a field trip and you spent the night at Charlie's, and as for the school, I went there this morning and gave the office a thing stating that you were going to be exused for the day." 

"And that actually worked?"

He shrugged. "They didn't seem to have a problem with it."

For some reason, I actually liked the fact that Dean took care of this whol situation so well. "Wow..that's...thank you." I looked up at Dean.

"Oh, no problem. So, did you sleep well?" He asked.

"Well, yeah. I was out most of the night and I only woke up once for a brief second. Other than that, I slept just fine, thanks for asking." 

Dean nodded to me. "Sorry if it kinda freaked you out a little, you know, waking up in some eles's house."

I shook my head. "It's fine." I looked around his house. Last time I was here I only got a little glance at the kitchen, now I got to fully observe his house. Seeing how nice it was. Clean, I liked that.

"So, you can pretty much do anything you want, watch T.V, sleep, hell I don't really care. But you need to take it easy. After a beating like that." 

I nodded and got up, walking over to the couch and turning on the T.V. Deab sat down next to me. "So, why did you do all this for me?"

"Do what?"

"Let me sleep in your house, get me out of school for a day. Why?" I looked up to him. I could tell just by looking at his face that he wanted to say something, but couldn't get it out. "Come on, don't bullshit me." I gave him 'The look'

"Well...I guess I did it cause I thank you're special." Dean rubbed the back of his neck.

"Really? You think  _I'm_ special? Why?" I asked him, shocked.

"You just are. You're very special Castiel. And you need to know that." Dean looked me directly in the eye and it stayed like that for a moment until he gently grabbed my face.

  _Is he going to kiss me? Fuck...he's going to kiss me._

"You can say no if you want to, Cas." 

 _Do I want to kiss him?_  My heart was racing.  _Of course I want to._ He leaned down, slowly but surely making his way to my lips, connecting then in a sweet soft kiss. Releasing it after a few seconds. "I uh..." I got up and started stumbling over, but quickly caught myself, "I should get going."

"Wait, Cas." He grabbed onto my wrist.

"Yeah?" I looked at him.

"Where does this leave us now?"

I thought about it for a moment or two. "I don't know. We'll talk about it later." He released my arm and I walked out the door.  _Where did this leave us?_


	4. Chapter 4

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

 

"He did  _what_?" Charlie looed at me, eyes wide.

"God, Charlie. I've told you this 20 times already." I nibbled at my lip. "Dean Winchester kissed me." I was talking more to myself than to Charlie. "He kissed me." I sighed and flopped down onto the couch.

"How did it happen? I mean, was it out of the blue or..."

I looked at her. "It wasn't out of the blue. Right before he kissed me he said that I could say no if I wanted to."

Charlie held her gaze on me. "But, you didn't."

I shook my head, kind of ashamed. "No, but I should've. I mean, him kissing me put his whole career at stake. He could lose his job because of me...I feel like total shit now."

She looked at me in disbelief. "Why do you feel like shit? I mean, I can understand things from your point of view, but it's not like everyone is going to find out about what happened between the two of you, right?"

I nodded slowly. "I'm listening.."

She continued. "Well, there are two possible senarios for what happened tonight. One, Mr. Winchester kissed you because he likes you. Or two, he did it because he's on drugs and he drank an expendable amount of alcohol. But either way, it happend. He kissed you, and there's no changing that, so why not embrace it?"

I took in what Charlie had just told me.  _Maybe she was right...maybe things would be just fine._ "You're right. I'll talk to him about it tomorrow after he comes over for dinner. Just to see what exactly is going on . And if it's because he likes me, then-"

Charlie inturrupted me. "Then he's most likely gonna ask you to go out on a date with him and your answer will be..."

"No."

Shee looked at me, dumb founded. "What do you mean 'no'?"

I sighed. "Oh jee, I don't know. What does 'no' usually mean, Char?""

She rolled her eyes at me. "I know what 'no' means, but what I mean is why not? Might as well give it a shot, right?"

It didn't sound like a terrible idea...It could be like a test date, just to see how everything goes. "I don't see why not," Charlie squeaked, "this is so wrong."

******

I walked into the music room the next morning about 15 minutes early. "Hey Dean, are you still coming over for dinner?"

He looked up from his desk. "I sure am. What time should I be there?"

I shrugged. "About 5:00. Dinner doesn't start until 6 but I was hoping I could show you some of my songs that I've written. If you don't mind... " I rubbed the back of my neck nervously.

"Of course I don't mind. That sounds perfect." He smiled at me.

"Alright, thanks." I smiled in return and walked over to my seat. Waiting until the bell rang and class started.

"Alright, class. Today, we're going to be discussing..." I tried my harest to keep my attention on him, but I couldn't. I was thinking about dinner tonight, and the conversation he and I had to have about him kissing me. I was also thinking abotu what I was going to do if he did ask me out on a date. There were so many things on my mind at the moment. I was only pulled out of my trance when I heard the bell ring. I softly shook my head and got up from my seat. "Castiel," Dean called out to me, I stopped. "Can I see you for a minute?" I nodded and walked over to him. "You have second hour study hall, correct?" I nodded. "Well, I was thinking maybe instead of you staying after school every day, you could just come in here during second."

"So...I don't have to stay after school?" He shook his head. "Did you already talk to my study hall teacher?"

"I did, and he said it would be okay." I smiled. "Well, are you gonna give me a hug or did I just do all that work for nothing?"

I let out a laugh before I moved to wrap my arms around his middle. "Thank you so much Dean." He hugged me back, but then let go. "Well, we have to get to work if you want catch up." I smiled again and grabbed some things out of my back pack before we got to work  
 _***  
What should I wear? _I frantically searched through my closet.  _Ugh, that's to_ classy...I shook my head at the suit and tie. _That's_ _too un_ classy...I threw the pants and T-shirt to the side. _And_ _that's to0...me, goddamnit. Why can't I figure out what to wear?_ I glanced down at my watch.  _Oh no, I only have 23 minutes. Alright Castiel, just close your eyes and pick something. it doesn't matter what it is, you're going to wear it._ I closed my eyes and picked out a shirt, then some jeans. Opening my eyes to see what I would be wearing. A pair of jet black skinny jeans and a nice shirt. I didn't exactly love it, but I didn't have time to hate it either.I shrugged before walking into the bathroom and changing.  _Should I shave?_ I looked in the mirror and saw a little bit of my stubble growing in.  _Eh, why not._ I pulled out my razor and shaved off what little hair I had.

"Honey, Mr. Winchester is here!" I threw my razor in its case and came out of the bathroom, walking downstairs to greet Dean. 

"Hey, Castiel." He smiled as he saw me walkng down the stairs.

"Hey Mr. W," I gave him a half-hug-half-handshake sort of thing. 

"Hello, Dean." My mom walked up to him and shook his hand. "If heard a lot about you." 

Dean looked over to me and I could feel my face heating up. "Like wise, Mrs. Novak."

"Oh please, call me Jessica." She turned around to face me. "Dinner should be ready in about an hour."

"Alright, I'm gonna take Dean out back." I nodded my head in the direction of my music room, gesturing for him to follow me. "Come on, I want to show you this." I grabbed his wrist and guided him out to the back. There was a separate house back there that was full of all my music supplies. "Well, here it is. My home sweet home." I looked around the room, making sure it looked presentable.

"This is...amazing." dean looked at everything. "I didn't know your parents had this kind of money." 

I shook my head. "Oh...You think they bought all this? Or than this little miny house came with the other one? No, I made this and I had been saving up since I was 4 so I could get all of this."

Dean gave a low whistle. "You did all this yourself?"

I nodded. "Yup. All my handy work."

He nodded. "Not to bad. But, I could do better."

I nodded. "Yeah, riigghtt." 

He let out a low chuckle. "Yeah yeah yeah. But, I do believe though that you brought me here for a reason." Dean looked at me expectantly.

"Oh, yeah. Hold on." I grabbed an acoustic guitar and sat down across from him. I tuned it then grabbed a pick, strumming softly. 

 

 

_How can I say this without breaking_

_How can I say this without taking over_

_How can I put it into words_

_When it's almost too much for my soul alone_

_I loved and I loved and I lost you_

_I loved and I loved and I lost you_

_I loved and I loved and I lost you_

_And it hurts like hell_

_Yeah it hurts like hell_

_I don't want them to know the secrets_

_I don't want them to know the way I loved you_

_I don't think they'd understand it, no_

_I don't think they would accept me, no_

_I loved and I loved and I lost you_

_I loved and I loved and I lost you_

_I loved and I loved and I lost you_

_And it hurts like hell_

_Yeah it hurts like hell_

I stopped singing and strummed all of the stinrgs at once, making it ring out softly. I smiled and looked over to Dean. "So what did you think?"

"That was abslutely amazing, Castiel. I mean, I've never heard anything like it before." We were both silent for a moment. "Who is it about?" His voice was just above a whisper. When I gave him a confused look, he asked again. "The song, who is it about?"

"Oh, I set the guitar down on its back and started messing with my fingers, "just someone in the past."

"Did this person hurt you?" Dean sat up straighter. 

"Yeah," My voice cracked as I began to recall a few momeories, "he hurt me real bad." I brushed the memories away. "But I try not to think about it too often. It's only self punishment."

Dean opened his mouth to speak, but my mom inturrupted, "Castiel, dinner is ready." She poked her head into the room.

"Alright mom, we'll be right in." She smiled then disappared back into the house. Dean and I both got up and he reached for my hand, enter-twining my fingers with his, only letting go when we stepped back into the house. I smiled to myself as all three of us sat down and started eating.  
***  
"Well, that was a very satifsying meal. Jessica." Dean smiled and took another drink of his water. 

"Thank you, Dean, I try." She smiled sweetly.

"Well," it had taken me a whole hour to muster up the courage to ask Dean if I could speak to him upstairs, "I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute?" I looked at him, with pleading eyes, hoping that he had got the memo that is was urgent.

"Alright, let's go then." Dean got up and followed me upstairs into my room where I shut the door with a light click.

"Okay, we really need to talk." I bit my lip and stepped directly in front of him.

"I think you're right." He maintained eye contact with me.

"So, about the other night...when you kissed me. I just-" I paused for a moment to try and calm my nerves, "I wanted to tell you that I didn't mind, in fact, the kiss was amazing _._ But, here's the thing, I need to know what it was." 

"What do you mean?"

"Was it meaningful or was it just..a kiss?" I continued biting my lip.

Dean grabbed my hip and lightly pushed me against my dresser, leaning down to connect his lips to mine. Pulling away seconds later and bringing his mouth to my ear. "Does that answer your question?"

I swallowed hard before pushing Dean back a little bit. "Look, I...If you really like me, I can tell you the feelings are mutual."

"But..."

"But, if we do this.. whatever _this_ is," I took in a deep breath, "it could be risky. Your job would be on the line, and I don't want that." I was trying to go easy on the guy.

"Then, we'll be careful.,,no one will find out. I really want this, Cas. I want you." Dean looked pretty serious about this.

"I know, and I do to, but..." I looked him in eyes, noticing that they weren't emerald green like I had once thought. They were viridescent green with gold flecks. I sighed. "Okay, we have to be very careful if we actually want to pull this off. You can't treat me any different in class, you have to be the some old hard ass you always are and always have been since the day I met you."

Dean couldn't help but laugh. "Alright, got it. Anythin else Mr. Control Freak?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Besides that, nope. I have nothing else to say. Anything you would like to add?"

"Well, not really. I actually kinda had a question to ask you." I nodded, gesturing for him to continue on. "Well...I wanted to know if you maybe wanted to, uh...come over to my house to have dinner, maybe watch a movie?"

I sighed, knowing Charlie would say 'I told you so' when I told her about all of this."Why not go to a restaurant?"

"Well, you said we needed to be careful, maybe staying at my place would be safer than going out in public."

I made on "o" shape with my mouth. "Good thinking Dean. I like it." I playfully nudged his side.

"Well, I should probably get goint but do I get a hug first?" I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. 

Mu sub-consious was screaming at me. I _hope this works..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For any of you wondering, the song that Cas sings is called Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie


	5. Chapter 5

_Castiel's P.O.V. . . . ._

 

"So, it's a done deal? You said yes?" I nodded, watching as Charlie paced around the room. "i wish something like this would happen to me. You know, minus the whole 'male teacher' thing." She flopped down next to me.

"You want to be dating a teacher?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, I think it would be a fun experience." After a couple of seconds of silence, she spoke up again, "I'll be living vicariously through you two for the next 25 years because I'll never find a girl who will love me."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up, Charlie. You know that isn't true."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't know...I haven't found anyone yet who I've actually connected with..Okay, that's a lie. There was Jo but she was as straight as a goddamn pole. That would have never went anywhere. Other than that, everyone else I've found intresting is either A) Striaght or B) not interested in me. It sucks seeing my friends getting into happy, healthy relationships when I'm jut here on the sidelines, waiting." 

"Come here," I pulled her into my arms and squeezed tightly. "You'll find the right girl one day. She'll be a star wars geek who dresses up as Kylo Ren just because she's board and she'll have a collection of Star Trek DVDs and she'll make you so happy that you won't know what to do with yourself. You just need to give it time."

She pulled away and sighed, "Hey, what about your date you have with him today?"

My eyes widened  _Holy fucking shit._ "Oh my god..I totally spaced," I ran up to my night stand and grabbed my phone, pulling up Dean's number and texting him. "What do I say? He's probably going to think I blew him off...Charlie, what do I say?" She just rolled her eyes, got up and took my phone.

"I'll just fucking call him." She pressed the "Call" button and put the phone up to her ear.

"Is he picking up?" I whispered it.  _  
_

"Hello, is this one, Dean Winchester?" She put the phone on speaker.

"Uh, yes it is, and this doesn't sound like Cas."

"Well, it's his...personal assistant calling and he would like to inform you that he may be a little late coming to your house due to school issues."

"I wasn't aware he had a personal assistant...Wait  minute, is this Charlie?"

She started blushing, "Yeah. Hi Mr. Winchester."

I had also heard Dean's laugh through the phone. "No, it's alright. But, can I talk to Castiel?"

"Sure, hold on." Charlie put the phone in my hand and mouthed "Keep it on speaker" So I did.

"Hey, Dean."

"So, why are you gonna be a little late?"

 _Wait, wasn't I late already?_ "I...I was under the impression that I was already late.."

"Oh, no. It's only 5. You don't have to come until 5:45."

I let out a huge sigh of relief. "Alright, I'll be there."

"Can't wait."

I hung up and looked at Charlie. "Would you uh...would you mind helping me get ready?" She nodded and we both walked into my closet in search of the perfect out fit.  
***  
"Alright, just call me when you're done and I'll pick you up...unless you're gonna stay the night, in which case I would call your mom and say that you're staying the night with me."

I looked at Charlie, thankful he knew exactly what I wanted. "Thanks, C. You're seriously an amazingly awesome friend." 

"I try." She smiled. "I'll come get you in the morning." I nodded and jumped out of the car, shutting the passenger door behind me and waving as she drove off. I smiled to myself and walked up to Dean's door, ringing the doorbell and waiting.  _What should I say to him? Hey. No, that's boring. How is it going? No...whatever. I'll just let him start the conversation._ I stopped thinking when I saw Blake standing there. Looking fucking adorable as usual.

"Well, come on in." He moved out of the door way gesturing for me to come in.

"So, how's is going?" I mentally slapped myself after saying that.

"Good, it's going good. What 'about you. What have you teenagers been up to lately?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I normally just spend time with Charlie."

He nodded. "I see, you show signs of being an introvert."

I shrugged. "Suits me."

We both laughed together for a minute. "Oh, dinner if gonna be ready in 'about 15 minutes."

I looked at Dean. "You made dinner?"

He nodded "Yeah, I didn't know what you wanted to I just bought salad stuff cause I noticed that you didn't eat meat at dinner last night."

Wow, it's amazing how considerate this guy is. "Yeah, I'm a vegatarian but that doesn't mean you can't eat meat. I really don't mind."

He shook his head. "No, I don't eat meat that much either."

I shook my head. "See, now I know you're lying."

He looked at me. "How?"

I smiled and sat down. "Let's see, You're into hunting, and I know for a fact that you eat what you kill."

 He sat down next to me. "Oh yeah, and how do you know this?"

I shrugged. "I can read people. It's a gift."

He rolled his eyes. "Alright, since we're learning about each other, here's what I know about you...You don't play well with others, and it's your natural instinct to fight back when someone is attacking you. Like I did in class a few weeks ago, you know, with the phone thing."

I nodded "Alright, so what do you make out of all of that?"

He shrugged. "I'm guessing you have an older brother..

I nodded. "Nice, not to bad." He smiled back at me. "Alright, let's go eat dinner. I'm starving." I got up along with Blake and walked into the kitchen with him.  
***  
That was really good, thank you, Dean."

He shook his head. "No need to thank me." I smiled. "Do you want to watch that moive now?" I nodded and we both walked over to the couch. I sat down while he set up the DVD player and eveything. "I rented a scary one, I hope you don't mind. 

I hated scary movies. "No, I don't mind at all." He got up and shut off the light, walking over to the couch, sitting down right next to me. I took this as my chance to be all cute and cuddly.  
Well, I think it's safe to say that he wasn't kidding when he said the moive would be scary. Because holy shit, it was scary as fuck. We were watching a moive called The conjuring or something. I didn't really care at the moment. I pretty much freaked out when anything scary happened. At one point in time I actually cuddeled next to Dean because I felt as though he could keep my safe, and he didn't mind. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in closer. Which, I didn't mind. But, after the moive was over it was already 10:00 and I was pretty tired. "If you wanna stay the night here, you're more than welcome. I have a guest bedroom right next to mine so you can take it if you want to." I was appeased that he offered me my own room.

"Alright,"  We both got up and he brought me to the guest bedroom.

"I'm pretty sure I have something you can wear to bed. Hold on." He walked into his room and came out about a minute later holding some pajama pants that were most likey to small on him and a shirt that was most likely way to big on me. "The bathroom is right there." He pointed across the hall and I walked into the bathroom, grabbing my phone to see if Charlie had texted me. Sure enough, she had.

_Charlie; Hey, how did the date go?_

_Me; Good, we're actually getting ready to go to bed right now._

_  
_I set my phone on the sink, peeling my shirt off, then my jeans. Putting on the pajama pants and folding up the shirt. I never really liked wearing shirts to bed.

_Charlie; Are you going to sleep with him?_

My jaw dropped open after reading this, because seriously? What the fuck.

 _Me;_ You _have issues, Charlie. No, I'm not goint to sleep with him._

_Charlie; I didn't mean sleep with him, I meant sleep with him as in just sleeping in the same fucking bed.You're the one with the issues here, Novak._

_  
_I didn't even bother texting back. I walked out of the bathroom and knocked on Dean's door, even though it was ope  I didn't want to be rude and just walk in. "Hey, here's the shirt. I usually just wear pajama pants to bed." He came up to me and grabbed it.

"It's fine.Good night."

I smiled. "Night." I walked into the bedroom and set my phone on the night stand jumping into the bed, burrowing myself into the blankets. I closed my eyes and let sleep wash over me. It wasn't long lived though. I woke up at about 1 in the morning, rolling over onto my back. Usually when I woke up in the middle of the night I didn't get back to bed until about 4. And plus I was thirsty. I got out of bed, carefully opening the bedroom door and tip toeing out of the room. It was dark so I couldn't see for shit and I walked right into a wall, which for some reason, I didn't remember was there. "God, I'm an idiot." I kept my voice low and countiued walking, succsessfuly tripping on something and falling flat on my face. "Mother fucker." I got back up, cursing to myself. I made it to the fridge without falling again, and when I opened it, three sodas came tumling down and onto the floor landing with a loud thud _._ "God fucking damnit." I picked up the sodas and put two of them back in the fridge, keeping one for myself. I turned back around and saw someone standing there. "Oh, hey Dean." He turned on the kitchen light. "Sorry if I woke you up, I'm a clumsy sonofa bitch." He let out a booming laugh. Oh god, his laugh was music to my ears. And I must've said that out loud because he was laughing even harder now. I really needed to learn to keep my mouth shut.

"Couldn't sleep, huh?" I shool my head. He walked out into the living room, I followed. He sa down on on the couch and told me to lay down, so I did. I rested my head in his lap. "Here, I think this will help." He started humming something to me (I think it was Hey Jude by The Beatles) and softly rubbing circles on my back with is pointer-finger. I sighed happily as sleep took over my body again.


	6. Chapter 6

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

 

 _Ugh, I don't want to get up._ I opened my eyes, letting them adjust to the sunlight streaming through the room. I stirred around a little before hearing someone snore above me. I looked up, seeing Dean with his head tilted back and his mouth wide open. I smiled, remembering how he hummed me to sleep last night, I didn't want to wake him so I slowly and quietly got up off his lap and made my way to the kitchen to get a drink. I pulled out a water bottle and opened it, startled to feel Dean come up behind me and grab my hip, I dropped the bottle causing the water to spill all over the floor. "Shit, I'm sorry." I grabbed some paper towl and knelt down, trying to clean up the mess.

"It's alright." He knelt down behind me, sliding him hand down my side. "It's just water, right?" My breath hitched as I felt him kiss my neck, and I continued letting him kiss me until I wanted to go up to his room instead.

"Hey, can we go up to your room?"

He looked at me, eyes blown wide. "Sure...If you want to, I don't want to pressure you or anything."

I shook my head. "No, I'm good. Let's go." I grabbed Dean's hand and brought him to the room. Shutting the door behind me.

"So, why did you want to come up here?"

He sat down at the edge of the bed and I walked over to him, planting myself in his lap, wrapping my legs around his waist. "I don't know, I just really wanted to do this." I leaned down, connecting my lips with his. His tongue gliding across my bottom lip, pleading for enterence. I gladly opened up and let his tongue explore my mouth. Between my lips against his and his tongue massaging mine, I needed to take a breath. I pulled away and let my head rest on his chest.

"You wanted to kiss me?"

I nodded. "Mmmhmm." He laughed a little before moving his mouth over to my neck. Biting down lightly, then sucking for a minute before he licked the newly formed hickey.

"You could've just asked, I would've been more than willing to say yes." He smiled before falling back onto the bed, taking me with him.

I sat on his stomach, just looking into his bright green eyes which reminded me of gems. "I really like your eyes."  _Shit, I just said that out loud, didn't I?_

"Well, thanks I guess, if it means anything, I like yours to." He pulled me down and started kissing me again. I was happy about it, until my phone went off. My ringtone was Luke Bryan's "Country girl" So I jumped off of Dean and went to grab it as fast as I could. I came back a minute later and rubbed the back of my neck. "So, you're a country boy at heart, are you?"

I sighed. "Guilty as charged."

He chuckled a little. "I like that." He smiled and kissed me on the nose. "So, who was it?"

I shrugged. "Just Charlie, she's on her way to pick me up."

I saw the disappointment in his eyes. "Well, can't you stay? I mean, it's Sunday. I have nothing else to do with my life, plus we don't have school tomorrow. And Charlie can come over to if she'd like."

I considered it. "Alright, let me ask." I pulled out my phone and texted her.

_Me; Hey, would you want to comme and hang out with Dean and I?_

I got a reply almost instantly

 _Charlie_ ;  _I thought you'd never ask._

_Me; Do you want to do what we talked about?_

_Charlie; Hell yeah :D Just make sure you grab everyhting we're gonna need, I already have mine in the car._

I smiled before slipping the phone back in my pocket and looking over to Dean. "She's on her way over, are you sure it's okay if she comes?"

Dean nodded. "Of course. I don't mind."

I smiled and kissed him. "Thanks"

He smiled and kissed me back. "No problem." I was about to kiss him again, when I heard the dorrbell ring. "Sorry, baby." I jumped off his lap and he just sat there. "Hey, what's wrong?"

He shrugged. "Nothing, I guess. But, you just called me baby.."

I thought about it. "Yeah, I did. I can stop...it just slipped out."

He shook his head. "No, I, kinda liked it." He looked up at me and smiled.

"Good, because I was gonna call you it any way." Dean let out a booming laugh. The doorbell kept going off. "Charlie, if you don't stop I will punch you in the face." I opened the door to  Charlie standing there, impatiently tappig her foot on the ground.

"Well, I wouldn't have to if you would've answered the door the first time I rung the bell, jackass." I punched Charlie in the arm.

"Well, I see you two get along very well." Dean was looking at the both of us.

"Oh, we mess with eachother all of the time. It's no biggy, we know not to take it personally." I punched her in the arm again.

"Yeah.." She grabbed a pillow and chucked it at me.

"Alright, alright. Settle down you two.." Dean huffed out a breath, "Damn, I feel like a dad."

I patted him on the shoulder. "Eh, I wouldn't worry about it to much."

He looked over to me. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

I laughed and shook my head. "Nothing, it means nothing." I leaned in and kissed him.

"Awwww, look at the two of you" Charlie tried to look sweet.

"Shut the fuck up, Charlie." Dean started laughing along with Char and I.

"So, uh...what do you guys want to do today?" Charlie and I exchanged looks. I jumped on Dean and grabbed a blue bandana I had in my back pocket, binding his hands with it, and Charlie covered his eyes with a purple one. "What the, guys,come on...What's going on." Charlie and I just laughed before pushing Dean out the door and bringing him up to Charlie's Dad's car and putting him in the back, closing the door and jumping in the front. "Guys, what's going on?"

I looked at my best friend and asked: "Should we tell him?"

She nodded. "I don't see why not."

I smiled and turned around to face a tied up Dean. "We're kidnapping you."

He smiled and started laughing. "Alright. I got it." I leaned over my seat and kissed him. "Just go with it." I  turned back around, putting my seat belt on.

"Did you grab the stuff?"

I nodded. "Yup. It's all in my bag." I pointed over to the back sitting next to Dean.

"Alright, let's go have some fun."   
***  
We drove for a little before we got to where we wanted to go. "We're here." I turned towards Dean who seemed very eager to be untied.

"Great. Now, can you untie me?" Chuckling softly, I jumped into the backseat taking off the blind fold, then untieing his hands. "Where are we?"

I just smiled. "You'll see. Come on, get out."

Dean got out of the car and looked around. "You didn't..."

"I did." I gave Dean his swimming trunks and a towl. "Go get dressed. Charlie is going to rent us a couple of boards." He looked stunned for a moment. "Well, go on!" I pushed him away and he walked over to the changing areas.

"So, why did you want to bring him to the beach?"

I shrugged. "I remembered him talking about how he and his bother Sam used to go to the beach and surf all of of the time, but then Sam went off to Stanford and every since then...he's never really had the time. So, I thought it'd be a good idea to take him here today."

Charlie just smiled at me. "You mushy little bastard."

I wacked her with my towl. "Shut the hell up and help me unload the cooler." I grabbed one handle and Charlie grabbed the other.

"You don't happen to have any beer in there, do you?" Dean walked up to Charlie and I with his swimming trunks on.

"Uh...We, uh-" I was speechless. Dean had an amazing body. It wasn't to taken care of, but it wasn't just forgotten either. Not to mention he had a tattoo of...a demon proofing sigil? (Yes, I know what those look like. I do my research. Don't judge)

"You want snitch on us, will you?" Charlie started talking since I wouldn't.

"No, I drank when I was your age, I know how you teens are."

She let out a laugh. "Well, in that case, yes. We do have beer. Among  _other_ things."

Dean looked suspiciously at Charlie, then to me. "What, cat got your tongue?"

I mouth went dry. "N-no. I, uhm..."

Charlie clapped me on the shoulder. "He likes what he sees."

I pushed his hand off. "Shut up,"

Dean started laughing. "I don't mind. But, do I get to see you in swimming trunks?"

I could feel my face heat up. "Yeah, hold on." I shoved the cooler into Charlie's arms, and grabbed my stuff, walking down do the dressing areas.  _That was awkward..._

"Hey, there he is!" Charlie threw me a beer and I caught it. "What the hell took you so long?"

I layed out my towl and lay down on it. "Nothing, I just...I don't know." I looked around. "Hey, where's Dean?"

"He wanted to start surfing before the waves settled down, I guess," She pointed out in the water. I looked closer and saw Dean riding a wave. 

"Damn, he's good." About 5 seconds later, he got washed out. I laughed as I saw him come back up and shake the water from his hair. He swam up to shore and walked up to us. "You didn't tell me you could surf like that" My tone was mock

He began to towel dry his hair. "Must have slipped my mind." Charlie rolled her eyes.

I shrugged. "But, I can do better."

He looked at me. "What?"

I sat up. "I said I could do better."

He shrugged. "Alright, you wanna find out?"

I nodded. "Sure, let's go." I picked up my board and walked over to the water, waiting until I got knee deep to jump on and paddle out. "Come on Dean, you're slacking on me!" I looked back, but didn't see him. Then, I looked in front of me and saw the dark blue swimming trunks I had picked out. "How in the hell.." I worked my arms some more to catch up to him.

He just smiled. "What can I say, I'm talented."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, I'm so gonna kick your ass." I saw a wave coming and started paddeling towards it, with Dean by my side. It was a full on paddle battle, and unfortunetly, he won. He followed the wave, then jumped up on his board. Doing a little dance with his feet. "You ride that wave, Wincehster!." I called out after him, causing him to fall off his baord. I couldn't stop myself from laughing. Since I wasn't paying attention and didn't see the huge wave that came towards me, I got wiped out. Coming back up, out of breath.

"Staring to much?" He hit me with some water.

I rolled my eyes and got back up on my board, seeing another wave.. "I'm catching that next wave." I didn't care who I was fighting for the wave, I was going to get it. I paddeled as fast and as hard as I could, successfully making it to the wave and jumping up on my board. Once I was up, I got this sudden joly of aderenaline. This felt great, I felt the cool air whisper in my ears and run through my hair, some mist softly hitting my face. I did a snap off the lift, then caught some tube section before I eneded it with flipping off my board. I came back up, all smiles.

Dean was clapping. "Not too, Shabby, Novak."

I felt the tiniest bit of satasfaction light up inside me. "Thank you, now...what's my prize for winning?" I wiggeled my eye brows.

"Idon't know, come here and find out." Dean grabbed the tip of my board and pulled me over to him. "This is your prize." He leaned down and kissed me very passionetly.

"Mmmm, I might have to beat you at things more often." He laughed and pulled away, paddeling off to shore. "Seriously? You're gonna just leave me out here?" I groaned and started following him.   
Once I made it make to shore, I threw my baord down and fell on top of my towl. "Ugh, I'm so tired."

"What's wrong?" Dean had his towl layed out right next to mine.

"I'm just sore." I had my arms and legs sprawled out.

"Well, I can help with that."

I lifted my head. "Really. how?"

He wiggeled his eyebrows. "Wait until we get home."

I sighed and let my head hit the sand.  _I wonder what he's gonna do..._

******

Charlie pulled up into Dean's driveway. "Hey, I'm gonna stay with Dean again, mind covering for me?"

She shook her head. "Of course not, but uhm, " Charlie leaned in. "Be safe."

My jaw dropped. "What the hell do you think we're gonna do?" I was whispering so Dean wouldn't here me.

"You know. Now, get out. I have to get home." I rolled my eyes and jumped out of the car, Dean following behind me. We waved goodbye to Charlie and he unlocked his door.

"Are you still sore?"

I nodded. "Mmmhmm."

He smiled. "I got something that will help."

I bit my lower lip.  _What was he gonna do?_ My curiosty was peaking it's head up. 

"Follow me." I complied and followed him up the stairs and into his bedroom. "Take your shirt off." He grabbed something out of his nightstand.

"Wha...huh?" I aksed, stunned.

"Take your shirt off." He pointed to my shirt. I peeled the white cotton off of my body and threw it next to the dresser. "Go lay down on the bed." I nodded and lay flat on my stomach. "Alright, now...if you feel uncomfortable during any of this, you can just tell me. Okay?" He's so immensly considerate. It made my heart melt.

"Alright."  Dean smiled and crawled on top of me. Sitting on my lower back. He opened up whatever he'd grabbed from his nightstand and rubbed it all over my back. Kneading the knots with his hands. "Ohhh god. That feels amazing, Dean." I continued moaning with pleasure as he started working on my lower back.

"Does this feel good?" He pushed down, then moved his thumbs around.

"Oh, that feels fucking great." He moved back up to my shoulders and did the same thing, which felt even better. After about 30 minutes he pulled his hands away. "Dean, if you stop I swear to god I'l never speak to you again." He let out a booming laugh.

"Shut up and give me a massage."  I looked up and he had his shirt off, and his pants. Leaving him in nothing but his boxers.

"You..you want me to..." He nodded.

"Yup. Now get up." I got up and he took my place. Handing me a medium sized bottle of what looked like some sort of oil. "Your turn."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning is going to seem a bit weird because it's going to flip-flop between Castiel's point of veiw and Dean's point of veiw. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys like it.

_Castiel's P.O.V. . . ._

_"_ Your turn." Dean handed me the bottle of, whatever it was called and I took it from him, crawling on top of his body. I poured some into my hands and rubbed it in. "What is this anyway?" I started rubbing it around.

"It's just something that helps losen up some of the...ohhh, god, Cas. That feels so, so good." I didn't know what I was doing, but apparently it was affective because the sounds that were spilling out of Dean's mouth were...addctive. So to speak.

"You like that, huh?" I continued rubbing, inching lower and lower by the second. I must've hit the sweet spot because he let out this amazing sound. It was like liquid sex and it was...it was turning me on. I continued rubbing that spot until he suddenly got up, causing me to fall flat on my ass. What the hell?He just stood there.

"I'm...I'm sorry." I looked down do the buldge in his pants. "I should uh...go." He ran off into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, leaving me sitting there...confused as hell.

_Dean's P.O.V. . ._

_Did Cas see my boner? I hope not. I probably freaked him out. Oh my god._ I looked down to my raging hard on.  _I can't believe that actually turned me on._ I sighed and leaned against the sink, ashamed of myself. I couldn't believe that my body reacted like this, just by Cas giving me a massage, it was just...well, it was just plain stupid. That's what it was. I ran a hand through my hair and just sunk down to the floor.  _Goddamnit, now I'm aching._ I palmed myself through my boxers , rubbing my hand in circles trying to create any more friction, then slipping my hand inside and wrapping it around my cock, pumping up and down at a slow pace, building up speed as I went along. I let out a moan, then covered my mouth. The last thing I needed right now was for Cas to hear me jerking off. I bit my lip to keep from moaning. My hand was flying over my dick, I was almost there..I just needed...I stopped moving my hand once I saw Castiel standing in the doorway. Looking down at me. I was getting up, but he put his hand on my chest.

"No." He pushed me back down and sat on my lap. "Show me how you do it." 

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

Dean looked at me, stunned. "W-what?" I just smiled and wrapped my hand around his cock. Pumping up and down at a steady pace. "Castiel.." I put my finger to his mouth.

"Shhh, just lean back and enjoy the ride." I lowerd myself until I was face to face with Dean's cock. Looking at it for a moment before I took just the tip into my mouth, swirling my tongue around before taking in his whole length. I started bobbing my head up and down, scraping my teeth against his shaft every so often. I began to hum softly, deciding to see if he liked it or not. He did. He put his hands on my hair and I flet his grip tighten. He was close. I pulled out with a wet  _pop._ "As much as I would love to feel you come into the back of my throat, I'd rather have you fuck me instead." I  conneted our lips in a very hot, angry kiss. One man fighting for domanance, the other man refusing to  give it up. Dean ripped off my shirt, disgarding the torn clothing before laying me down on the bathroom floor, moving his hands down to my jeans, slowly peeling them off my body. Once they were off, he picked me up and pinned me against the wall. Connecting his mouth to my neck, exploring every single inch of my body.  _Shit, he's being a fucking tease._ I squirmed around a little. "Uh, Dean..can you just- "

"Can I what? C'mon, ya gotta tell me what you want." He cut me off.

I sighed. " Well, I would've if you wouldn't have inturrupted me, Jackass."

He rolled his eyes. "Jus tell me what you want."

I moved my mouth to his ear and whispered: "I want you to fuck me,"

He laughed. "Damn, can you wait a few minutes?" Before I could answer he was bringing me to his bed, laying me down gently before opening his nightstand drawer and digging for something, pulling out a bottle of KY. I smiled just at the sight of it. He returned the smile and practically pounced on top of me, but stopping a couple of seconds later.

I stuck out my bottom lip. "Dean, come on."

"Tell you what," he moved around a bit, "If you promise me that you'll tell me if I make you feel uncomfortable if you're in pain, then I'll continue. If we're going to do this, I want it to be by choice, not by force."

I smiled. "Alright, deal." He popped the cap open and slicked up his fingers, placing my legs on his shoulders, nearing my entrance. He leaned down to kiss me so i wouldn't notice the burn that followed his first finger. I took in a deep breath and nodded for him to go on. He moved his finger in and out a few times before his second one joined the first, causing more of a burn, I gasped and threw my head back. I knew what he was doing, he was looking for my sweet spot, and he found it. I moaned and pushed down on his fingers. "Can you just fuck me already?" He smiled and took his fingers out, covering his dick witht the lube.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?"

I nodded. "Yes, I'm sure." He just smiled weakly and lined his cock up to my hole. Breeching the tight ring of muscle, with a sweet burn following it. "Come on, Dean. You can do better than that I'm sure." I egged him on.

"Alright, are you ready?"

I rolled my eyes. "Goddamnit, Dean. If you don't fuck me I'll kick you off of me and do it myself." He laughed before grabbing onto my hips with a very firm grip. Pushing in deeper and deeper by the second. He was all the way in when he stopped to adjust to the feeling of his cock being ingulfed by me. "Would you move already?" He quietly obliged and pulled all the way out, only to smash back in seconds later. "Oh my god, Dean. Do that again." I gripped onto the sheets as he pulled out and pushed back in again, with full force. "Fuck." He started moving faster, hitting that sweet spot causing me to cry out. I moved my hands from the sheets to his back, digging my nails into his flesh. He smiled and continued hitting my G-spot 4 more times. My body was quivering, begging for release. "Dean, I'm so close. I need-" He cut me off by placing two fingers into my mouth and I started sucking on them roughly. He grabbed onto my cock with his free hand and began rubbing me as he continued moving his hips forward, then backwards. I began to whimper.

Dean leaned down, bringing his lips to my ear. "Come for me, Cas."

That was all it took, I fell over the edge, my come spilling all over Dean's hand and my stomach. A few more thrusts and Dean hit his climax. He fell on top of me with a gruff sound. "Get off of me."

He pulled out, causing me to wince . "I'm sorry."

I just smiled. "No need to apolagize after something like that."

"We have to clean up, I won't sleep in this mess."

I laughed. "Wow, I never pegged you as the clean type."

He rolled his eyes. "Shut up and help me change the sheets so we can go to sleep, I'm tired."

I rolled my eyes. "How romantic of you, Deano."

He grabbed a pillow and threw it at me. "Just help me with the sheets, would you?"  
***  
"Hey, Dean. I have a question." After the sheets were changed, he and I got into bed.

"Yeah, what's that?"

I looked up at him. "Why me?"

He looked at me quizically. "What do you mean?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Why do you like me? You could've just picked any other student but you chose me, I just wanted to know why.. "

He seemed to be thinking about it. "From the first day I met you, I knew that you were different from everyone else, you were and are very special, Castiel."

I could feel myself blushing. "Thank you, Dean. But I'm not that special"

That probably wasn't the best thing to say. "Castiel Novak, you are very special. And don't you ever doubt that." I smiled and rested my head on his chest, listening to the _thump thump_  of his heart _._ I moved in closer to Dean, whispering "I love you." Then, surprisingly hearing "I love you too." back.  
***  
I woke up and looked to the other side of the bed where Dean used to be. Now, his spot cold. I sighed and burrowed myself deeper into the blankets. "Good morning, sunshine."

I rolled over and saw him standing at the foot of the bed. "Hey." I smiled and yawned lightly. "Where were you?"

He smiled and came up to me. "Come on, I want to show you something." He put out his hand and I grabbed it.

"What are we doing?" I continued following him.

"You'll see." He guided me out to his backyard, which surprisingly had a pool I'd never noticed before. And by the pool there was some orange juice, eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes equally separated onto two plates.

"Dean, you didn't have to.."

He shrugged. "Come on, let's eat," he paused for a moment, "afterwards, I was thinking maybe we could go for a swim?"

I nodded. "That sounds great." I sat down and grabbed my plate, and some silver ware. "This looks amazing." I took a bite of the pancakes. "Oh my god, Dean. You didn't tell me you could cook." I continued eating while he talked.

"Yeah, my mom always cooked my food for me," he looked down to his eggs, "until she passed away...after that, Dad went into a really bad depression and started drinking..I had to teach myself how to cook so Sammy and I wouldn't starve," he shook his head softly, "anyway, if it wasn't for my mom's old cook books, I wouldn't be the amazing chef that I am today." He smiled, but I could tell he was a tad bit upset.

 _Try and lighten the mood, don't make it worse._ "Well, then you'll have to thank your mom for me." I looked up from the plate and smiled.

"Eat. I wanna go swimming." He grabbed a fork and scarfed down his food.

"Alright," I got up. "Let me go get my swimming trunks on and-" Before I could finish, Dean threw me over his shoulders and jumped into the pool. I surfaced and started pouting. "Damn it, Dean. These were my favorite jeans." I swam towards the egde of the pool, but he caught me and pulled me back.

"Calm down, they'll dry. Just take them off."

I turned around to look at him. "Could you do it for me?" He rolled his eyes but grabbed the waist band of my pants and yanked them down, obviously surprised to see that I wasn't wearing anything under them. "What?" I looked at him with innocent eyes.

"You're so cute, that's what." He pulled me in and started kissing me, letting his hands roam all over my body. "You know, last night...I didn't hurt you  or anything, did I?"

I shook my head. "No." He smiled and kissed me again, this time letting skilled hands wrap around my cock. I moaned into his mouth.

"You like that, huh?" He started moving his hand up and down.

"Jesus, Babe. That feels so good." He smiled and picked me up, bringing me out of the water and gently laying me down next to the pool, sinking down to my cock. He took just the tip into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it, taking in my whole length. He bobbed his head up and down a few more times before I was close. I tangled my hands in his hair and threw my head back, seeing stars. I released into the back of Dean's throat, letting out a deep breath. "Holy shit, that was...amazing."

He crawled on top of me and kissed me. " I know it was. Now, let's go inside." He helped me up and I went into his room in search of dry cloths, finding some old pajama pants in his closet and slipping them on. Then going downstairs to join him. "Charlie waiting out front." I frowned and walked outside to her Dad's escalade.

"What are you doing here?"

She looked at me. "I told you I was gonna pick you up at 3:30."

I sighed. "It's already 3:30?"

She nodded. "Yeah, do you want me to come back?"

"Could you? That would be great." 

Charlie smiled. "You slept with him, didn't you?"

My eyes blew wide. "W-what? No, I-"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Whatever. I can tell when you're lying."

"Okay, fine. Maybe I did...but it's none of your business."

Her jaw dropped. "You're going to tell me everything when I pick you up later."

I was about to protest when she just drove of.  _Dick._ I sighed and turned around, heading back inside. "Hey, what did Charlie want?"

I shrugged. "Nothing."

He smiled and came up to me. "Good, because I was thinking maybe we could stay in and watch some movies."

I nodded. "Sounds good to me, baby." 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning 
> 
> This chapter gets kind of graphic, I guess.

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

 

I stirred in the bed a little, looking over observing Dean snoring lightly. I can't believe I actually have a guy like this in my life.Ever since we started seeing each other, it felt serreal, like it was just a dream and I was about to wake up. Because, let's face it...I would never in a million years end up with a guy like Dean...he's just to perfect.  I smiled when he stirred around a bit. Looking to the clock, I saw that it was only 5:34 and Dean didn't have to go to work until 6:45, so I figured I'd let him sleep and just call Charlie up, have her come and get me.  _I'll leave him a note._ I carefully got out of bed and walked over to my phone, unplugging it from the charger. I was about to call Charlie when my phone buzzed from an unknown number texting me. 

_213-693-9583; You should just kill yourself, no one would miss someone like you. I bet your mom thinks you're a disgrace, I bet Charlie does to."_

I scrunched my eyes brows, clicking on the number to call it. After two rings, someone picked up. "Hello?" Then, just like that, the line went dead. Nothing. I stared at my phone for a good 10 minutes before I came out of my haze and called Charlie to tell her to come and get me. Of course, she said yes. Although, she didn't sound to happy about the fact that I was calling her this early. Oops...I laughed before walking downstairs to grab a little snack before I go. Of course, that "little snack" just happened to be a bowl of cereal and a banana. But, hey! What can I say? Im a growing teenage boy. I finshed the food right as Charlie pulled up. I had specifically told her  _not_ to honk her horn, because I wanted to let Dean sleep. But, what does she do? She fucking honks the horn like 20 times.  _That son of a bitch..._ I walked outside, and came up to her dad'sEscalade. "What is it about 'do not honk your horn' that you don't get? I told you Deab was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him up, but when people are honking a very loud ass horn I usually don't tend to continue sleeping. So, if he woke up I will slap you...and I'm not kidding, Charlie." I jumped into the car and crossed my arms over my chest, slumping down.

"I know what you're doing.." 

I sat up a little bit and uncrossed my arms. "Oh yeah? And what exactly am I doing, Charli? Because from where I'm sitting, it looks like I'm being pissed because I asked you not to honk your horn and you did anyways. I wanted to let Dean get at least an axtra 30 minutes of sleep."

"You're stalling."

"What the hell are you talking about, Charlie? Why would I have to stall?"

She shook her head. "Like you don't remember."

"Does this look like I'm lying to you? I seriously have no fucking idea what you're talking about...I'm not stalling anything."

"Okay then, tell me what happened with Dean."

I looked at her. "What do you  mean?"

She sighed. "You know exactly what I mean...how did the whole "sex" thing go?"

I suddenly got the tendancy to say "That's a nie tree over there." But, I decided not to because one thing I hated more than losing, was proving to Charlie that she was right. "It was okay, just like any other normal people 'doing it'," For some reason, I never really got comfortable with the word  _sex._ I don't really know why.

"Nothing special? Just normal?"

I nodded. "Yup."

Charlie frowned. "Well...that was definitely not the answer I was looking for, but okay, I guess."

I laughed a little. "What were you expecting me to tell you? That he used some magical unicorn lube and a rainbow colored condom?"

She shrugged. "I would've taken that answer." 

I punched her in the shoulder. "You are a deeply, deeply desturbed women, Charlie."

She laughed. "I know I am, now get out,"

I looked over and saw that we were at my house. "Thanks for the ride." I hopped out and walked up to the door, grabbing the key from under the rug and unlocking it. I walked in and was greeted by my golden retriver, Frankie. I smiled and pet her before walking into the kitchen, not noticing my mom until about a minute of me being in there. "Oh, hey mom." _Is she mad or something?_ No, that expression did not look like the "I'm-really-pissed-off" face.

"Hey honey." She smiled sweetly.

Okay, she wasn't mad. Which was a very good thing. "What's up? You usually aren't wake at this time.." Even though she wasn't mad, doesn't mean she didn't have something bad to tell me.

"So, you remember that job offer I got up in New York?"

I nodded. "Yeah..what about it?" My anxiety started to kick in.

"Well, I decided to take it.." My jaw dropped. My mom usually consults me about everything first, why didn't she ask me about this? "And, before you freak out, I'm giving you an option. One, you can either stay here, with Charlie, I already talked to her Dad about this, Or two, you can go with me. This is completly up to you, and I know this is last minute but my new boss called and said he needed me as soon as possible. I'm leaving tomorrow."

 _Tomorrow?_ "What happens if I stay with Charlie? I...I won't ever be able to see you." I loved Colorado, but my mom was way more important to me.

"You can come and visit any time you want, and I'm only a phone call away."

I sat down, thinking it over. "I- I don't want to hurt you by saying I want to stay here.."

She shook her head. "Oh, no. Sweetheart, this is your choice, and if you choose to stay here, I'm fine with that."

I looked at her. "Really? You'd be okay with me staying here?"

She smiled. "Of course I would, like I said I'm only a phone call away and you can come and visit anytime you want, this job comes with the added bonus for free airfair."

I thought it over for a minute. "I don't know if I'm ready to be that far away form you." I pulled her into a hug and squeezed.

"Honey, it'll be okay. You won't have to worry about a thing."

I thought about going with her, how much fun New York would be. But then my mind drifted to Dean. I couldn't just leave him, and I certainly couldn't leave Charlie. Her and I had been bestfriends since the first grade. I did love my mom, I do love my mom, but I wanted to stay with Dean. "Momma," I continued hugging her, "I do want to stay here but I want you to promise me that you'll be careful, and you'll call me at least three times a day."

She pulled away, laughing. "I'm the one that's suposed to be giving the 'be careful and call 20 times a day' speech."

"I said three,"

"How about two?"

I shrugged. "Okay, that's fine." I pulled her into a hug again, sighing. "I love you, Mom."

"I know, honey. I love you too. Now, I'll pack your stuff while you're at school today, and after wards Charlie's Dad is going to come over an help you move all of it."

I was really happy, but at the same time I was also kind of sad. "I need to get dressed, Momma." I let go and made my way to my room so I could change into some clean clothes.   
***  
"I still can't believe you're going to be staying with me." Charlie followed me up to my locker. "I mean, this is going to be so cool..oh my god, I'm totally having a chick moment right now." She looked at me with a worried expression.

"Char, calm down. It's going to be just like a sleepover, only a lot longer. And I eat your food more often," I shut my locker, "and you do sound like a girl, all the time." I dodged Charlie's hand. "I'm too fast for you." I smiled and darted off to my first class. (of course, you guys know my first class is music) I walked in, looking all chipper. I gave Dean a smile and walked over to my seat, setting my backpack down. _On the bright side, this means more time with Charlie and a lot more time with Dean._  Just the thought caused me to smile from ear to ear, and I coouldn't stop no matter how hard I tried. "Oh my god, I'm so happy." I huffed out a sigh.

"What was that?" Dean looked to me.

I shrugged. "Nothing, I'll tell you later." 

He nodded and started the class, which, of course went by really quickly. And it wasn't long before I was in study hall. I went to the bathroom and then headed to the football field. After I got caught up with all my work in Dean's class, it became tradition to head to the field. I always loved the veiw of the rockies. I walked past the basbell field and through the bleachers, only stopping when my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I slid the 'answer' bar. "Hello?"

"Hope you didn't gorget to wash your hands. Wouldn't want to spread your STDs around, would you?"

"Okay, you tell me who this is or I swear to god I will-" Then I heard a "click" and my phone automatically pulled up my homescreen.  _Shit, they hung up._ I sighed and stuffed my phone back into my pocket, countinuing to walk to the football field, trying to figure out who could be calling me, although, it wouldn't be easy. A lot of people hated me because of my sexual orientation. Which I never understood because it was my life choice, not theirs. I pushed the thoughts away, and continued walking to the tree I always sat at. 

"Hey." Charlie was there, as usual.

"Hey." I set my bag down next to her

"What took you so damn long?"

I shrugged. "I got caught up with something. That's all."

She nodded. "Well, alright. I was thinking maybe we could talk about which room you're going to be staying in, I was thinking the one across from me..but there's also three more, so I'm pretty sure dad will let you choose."

"Yeah, that sounds good," After a couple of minutes of restless thinking, I shook my head and got back up, "I'm going to head back in, I just remembered I have a Calculus final coming up sono and I really do need to study."

She looked at me quizically. "You? Studying for a test? That's almost unheard of." She shot me a playful smile.

I played along. "Yeah, well, I better get back." I picked up my bag and headed back into the school.  
***  
School went by quickly, and I found myself standing in Charlie's driveway moving in my bed. "Which room did you take?" She picked up one end and I picked up the other.

"The one next to yours." We hauled the bed spring into my new room, the mattress was next.

"So, did you tell Dean about this?"

I rolled my eyes, "Shh,"

She just laughed. "What did I do?"

I shoved the mattress into her stomach. "Jackass." I couldn't stop myself from laughing.

"Can we just get this thing inside?" I complied and finished moving in the mattress, laying it down on top of the bed spring. "God, that took a lot of energy." She flopped down onto my bed.

"We still have to move in the dresser." She groaned in response "Come on Ms. Lazy, it'll be over before you know it." I grabbed Charlie's wrist and dragged her outside. "Come on, help me lift it up." She was about to pick it up when Dean pulled into the driveway. "Oh, hey, Dean." Charlie walked over to his car with me trailing behind her. "What are you doing here?"

"Castiel's mom told me I could find you here, what's all this about?" He gestured to the U-Haul truck in the Bradbury's driveway.

"Oh, Cas's mom is moving so she's letting him stay here."

Dean looked at me and I nodded. "Well, do you guys need some help...?"

Charlie, of course, nodded right away. "Yes, that would help so much," Dean laughed and shut off his car, getting out  and helping us take the dresser inside. Once inside, I lay down, looking around my room, hearing a knock on the door. "Come in." It was Dean.

"Hey." He sat down.

I sat up. "Hi."

"So...how are you doing with all of this?" 

I looked at him. "What do you mean?"

He sighed. "I mean, with your mom leaving, and you not being able to see her as much."

I made on "o" shape with my mouth. "Yeah, I'm fine with it, I can go and see her anytime I want, and I can always call her." I smiled to myself, realizing I had just aid the same thing that she had said to me earlier this morning.

He gave me a little smile. "If you ever feel down or whatever, you can come over to my place. You know that, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I know," I pulled him into a hug, burrowing my head into his shoulder, "thank you." I groaned when my phone went off. "I'm sorry, hold on." I grabbed it and checked the caller ID. "I'll be right back." I walked into Charlie's backyard and answered it. "Look, whoever this is, you better fucking tell me or I'll-"

"Or you'll what? Your weak ass can't do a damn thing! All you can do is listen."

"Tell me who this is."

"You'll find out soon enough." The person hung up on me and I just stood there, staring down at my phone's lock screen.

"Are you okay?" Dean came out.

I looked up from my phone. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Uh, maybe you should go," He looked upset after hearing that.

"Well, alright." I gave him a little smile and kissed him on his nose.

"I'll text you later." He nodded and walked away.   
I was up most of the night comtemplating weather or not I should tell Dean about the phone calls and the texts. It seemed like a good idea, but then again I didn't want to be considered the victim here.  _I'll just take care of it myself. What could go wrong?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea who's number is in the beginning of this fic, I just made something up so if one of y'all wanna call it, let me know who/what is is. 
> 
> Also, prepare for a major course change in the next chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

Guys, I totally skipped a chapter somehow???? 

 

anyways, got back and re-read chapters 6-8 please oh my god this is embarrassing


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter bounces back and forth between Charlie's POV, Dean's POV and Castiel's POV
> 
> hope you enjoy!

_Charlie's P.O.V. . ._

 

Castiel has been acting weird latley. I mean, at first I thought it was just about his mom moving, but it's been getting much worse For instance, school ended a month ago and Cas hasn't talked to Dean since then. I know it's not because Dean did something wrong, Castiel would have told be, but he hasn't even left his room since school ended. I haven't even seen him eat. Well, that's not true. I see him once in a while but he looks  _different_ in a way. Like, he's not him self. But, there's more than just that. He's been moody, distant, he has very dark circles under his eyes. This is not the Castiel I knew a month ago, and I don't know what's wrong with him, but I don't think it's good. I tried to talk to him a couple of time, you know, about everything that's going on in his life, but he just told me he was okay and asked me to leave. I even tried getting him to talk to Dean, but he did the same thing. Said he was okay and then asked Dean to leave. It really makes no sense to me...He's never acted like this before. Ever. And I'm starting to get worried, because if it's more than him just being distant, that could be bad for hin, and bad for the people around him. I don't know what to do. If I try and talk to him he'll just lie to me..and that's another thing. Since the day we met about 10 years ago, he has never lied to me. If something was bothering him, he'd tell me about it. If he knew something that would hurt me, he would still tell me about it and then find a way to console me. He's not talking to me anymore...which is another reason why I'm getting worried, he hasn't been talking to me about anything. And that's not like us. We have a very open relationship. I can trust him, he can trust me. That's how it's always been. I'm out of ideas on what to do with him...But, I don't want to let him continue down the path he's on. I can tell that it isn't a good one.

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, contemplating weather or not I should leave my room to go grab something to eat.   
No, because that requires energy, energy that I never really have these days. I sighed, making up my mind. I pushed myself off of the bed with what little strength I did have, padding over to the door and opening it. Charlie came bounding to my side like a puppy dog. I ignored her and continued the long and draining walk to the fridge. "Okay, why are you following me around like a dog?" I ask, turning around to face her.

"Well, for starters all you've been doing is hanging out in your room and I haven't seen you in forever," Charlie made her way over to the table and sat down.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I've just been feeling sick lately." Of course I was lying, but I couldn't tell Charlie what was actually going on here.

"Oh, okay. Are you feeling better?" I knew it, she caught onto the lie.

"No, not really." 

"Well, I hope it's not to much trouble, but Dean called me and asked if you'd go over there for a couple of days. I said yes."

 _God fucking damnit._ It's bad enough Charlie had to see me like this, but now Dean? "Uh, do I have to? I mean, I'm perfectly fine staying here."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, but you have to go. Dean wants to see you and he said that he could help with whatever it is that you have." 

Charlie knew exactly what she was doing, that little bastard. "Alright, when is he coming to pick me up?" I sigh, sitting down.

"In about 2 hours." She looked at me with innocent eyes.

"Fine, I'll go pack." I get up and go into my room, slamming the door shut behind me. Which wasn't a good idea because I ended up getting dizzy and had to sit down.  _It's Charlie's fault. She's the one who decided to say yes to going over to Dean's for a few days on my behalf. And she knew that I wouldn't want to go, yet she's still making me!_ I was beyond pissed at the moment.  _Whatever, I'll just pack and get this over with. It's not worth fighting about._ I got up from my bed, and made my way into my closet, grabbing 4 pairs of pants, 4 shirts and 2 pairs of sweats. Most of my clothes were now baggy on me, but I didn't really care. I grabbed my back pack and shoved my clothing items in there. I grabbed my phone charger and stuffed it in there to.

"Dean's here" Charlie poked her head into my room and I nodded. Putting my back pack over my shoulders and following him out to the front yard.

_Dean's P.O.V. . ._

I pulled up into Charlie's driveway, excited to finally see Castielagain. After all, I hadn't seen him in what felt like forever. I was just happy that he was going to be staying with me for a few days. I put my car in park and got out, walking up to her door and knocking. "Hey, Dean. Hold on, let me go get him." I nodded and stood in the doorway. Waiting for about 3 minutes before I saw him.."Hey, Cas." I eyed him up and down. He looked different. His normally tight skinny jeans were baggy and his normally skin tight shirt was loose on him, and it was long sleeved, which he never wore.

"Hey, Deano." He smiled and pulled me into a hug.

I looked up to Charlie and mouthed "What's wrong with him?"

She shrugged and mouthed back: "I don't know."

I sighed and let go. "Come on, let's go." I grabbed Cas' bag for him and threw it in the back of my impala. I opened the door for him.

"Thanks." He smiled and hopped in. I circled around the car and got into the drivers side.

"Seatbelts." Cas smiled again and put his on. I couldn't help but stare at him..he didn't look happy at all, and his body just looked...neglected. He didn't exactly look like his normal self.  _Should  I ask him 'about it?_  My subconsious shot back an answer almost immediately. _No,_   _I would seem to straight-forward. Maybe I'll just bring it up later on..._ "So, How have you been?" I decided to steer away from the subject for now. 

"I've been okay." He seemed like he was looking every where else but me.

"That's great, but you don't look so good..."  _Damnit, Dean. You could have  just said "That's great." But no, your mouth had to get you in trouble._

"Yeah, well...I had a cold and I'm just getting over it." 

He was lying, and I could tell. When you're sick you don't lose about 15 pounds, but I didn't want to call him out on that...yet. "Yeah, Charlie told me. Are you feeling any better?"

He shrugged his scrawny shoulders. "Eh, kind of. But, not really."

I sighed.  _What was actually going on with him?_

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

Dean keeps on staring at me like I'm a piece of meat or something. I know he noticed how most of my clothes are falling off of me. And I know he can tell that I'm lying about being sick, he's good at telling when people aren't telling the truth.  _How can I explain to him what's really going on_? My subconsious answered.  _Just tell him you've been depressed, that's all you have to do._ I shook my head.  _No, I am not depressed._ I brought my thumb up to my mouth and started chewing on my nail,  _am I?_

"Do you want to go get some food?" 

I shook my head. "I'm not really hungry. I ate before I left." Which as a lie, but who cares anymore.

"Well, alrighty then...I guess we'll just head over to my place." Dean sighed.

I want to explain everything to him, and I want him to hug me until I feel okay again...but I'm afraid he'll push me away because of it. I'm just afraid of a lot of things that could get messed up if I reach out for help. "Hey, Dean."

"Yeah?" 

"When we get to your house can I take a shower?" I haven't taken one in a few days.

"No, Cas. You can't shower at my house.." He chuckled softly, "of course you can take a shower."

I let out a little laugh...it felt good to finally smile again.  
***  
"Alright, just hollar out if you need anything."

Dean handed me two towles and I thanked him, walking into the bathroom and locking the door behind me. Wouldn't want to risk him coming in. I took my shirt off, revealing the very deep and angry looking cuts on my arm, and a few on my stomach. Next are my pants. I have a few on my legsa well. I look at my reflection in the mirror, seeing my scrawny little body.  _Might as well get a piece of paper, write the words 'very fragile' and stick it to my back._ I sighed, not wanting to see what I've been doing to myself. I stepped into the shower and turned it on. Letting the hot water splash against my face. I stood there for a moment, until I realized that I did in fact need to wash my body. I scrub down my hair, then use some body wash. Wanting to get out of the shower before I got all wrinkly, I shut off the water and stepped out, grabbing my sweat pants and slipping them on, pulling the strings to keep them tight around my waist. I groaned when I realized I forgot a shirt.  _Shit._ I unlocked the door and poked  my head out, making sure no one was around. I stepped out quietly and headed for my back pack.

"I'll be your soft and sweet, you'll be my strong and steady." Dean ran right into me, causing me to fall over. He looked at me, then my stomach, then my arms. "Cas-" I jumped up as fast as I could and run back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I sunk down to the floor and pulled  my knees up to my chest, feeling a lump of emotion claw its way up my throat. One tear slid down my cheek, then a few more. Pretty soon, I was letting out soft sobs as hot tears spilled down my face. I heard a light knock on the door. I immediately stop crying and held my breath. "C-cas," You have no idea how bad I just want to jump into Dean's arms right now... "Castiel, I know you can hear me." I sighed and lean against the door, deciding not to reply. "Look, Cas, I saw the..cuts..on your arms...and I know you haven't been eating. Charlie told me. I'm not here to judge you, I just want to help. And the only way that's going to happen is if you open this door."

_Yeah, like that's going to happen._

"Baby, please open the door." He called me "baby" he's never called me that before...

"Look, Dean.,,I just- I need some time, alright?"

I hear a soft sigh, then Dean's slight canadian twang. "Alright, you can come out whenever you're ready." I heard his footsteps getting more faint

I let out a sigh of relief and thought about what I was going to say to him, or how I was going to say it. _I don't want to think about that right now. I just...I want to sleep._ And before I could really stop myself, I ended up closing my eyes and letting sleep wash over me.


	11. Chapter 11

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

 

 _Holy shit._ I pulled myself up off of the bathroom floor.  _Note to self, don't ever sleep on the floor._ I leaned against the sink and rubbed my eyes, trying to wake myself up.  _Why did I even fall asleep in here?_ I was wracking my brain, trying to remember why I had fallen asleep on the bathroom floor in the first place.  _I think it had something to do with Dean..._ I looked down to my bare stomach.  _Shit._ He saw me. Without my shirt on. And all of my cuts and scars.  _Damnit!_ I slammed my hand against the sink.

"Cas, are you okay in there?" I froze. Had Dean been waiting out there all night?

"Uh, y-yeah, I'm fine." I sighed.

"Alright." I took in a deep breath before unlocking and opening the bathroom door. 

 _I had to come out sometime, right?_ I saw the shocked look his face. Clearly he hadn't expected me to come out of there at all.

"H-hey." He put on a smile, but I saw right through it. "Do you want totalk. or..."

I could tell he was trying not to push it with me. "Y-yeah. That sounds good." I walked over to the couch and sat down, pulling my knees up to my chest trying to hide my body from his eye sight.

"Do you want a blanket or something? You look cold." Dean got up and grabbed a blanket, drapping it over my shoulders.

"Thanks." I pulled it closer to me, wrapping it around my body like a suit of armor. "So...were you out there all night?" 

He nodded. "Yeah...I uh, I wanted to make sure you were okay."

I gave him a little smile. Letting the awkward silence ingulf me.  _What should I say?_ I really didn't know what to say, I mean...What was there to say? And where would I even start? 

"Do you want to talk about...what we're both trying to avoid?" He was treading on dangerous ground, and he knew it. But he kept his distance, which I mentally thanked him for. 

"What's there to talk about? I'm fine." Lies. Lies. Lies. 

"Come on, Castiel. I know that's not true. I mean, look at you for fucks sake. You look like someone just hit you with a bus."

Wow, because that just made me feel better. "I know, I know...I was just-"

Dean inturrupted me mid sentance. "You weren't just sick, Cas. Don't give me that bullshit. You're not okay, and we both know it, it's just a matter of when you want to stop lying and keeping all of the secrets."

I sighed, he was right. When did all of the lying and keeping secrets end? "I know I'm not okay, alright? I know I'm in bad shape, and I know I need help...I just..." I had started to cry, "I don't know how to ask for help," my voice cracked, "I just don't know what to do."

"Come here." Dean got up and sat down next to me, pulling me into his chest. "We're gonna get you through this, baby. I promise. Everything is going to be okay." He methodically rubbed my back, trying to get me to calm down a bit, and it surprisingly worked. After the crying had subsided, he looked down to me, "are you okay to talk now?" I nodded. "Alright, tell me everything."  
***  
After talking to Dean for about an hour, all I wanted to do was lay down, and sleep. So, that's exactly what I did. He had tucked me in (and I didn't care about how child-ish it was, it felt good to know that someone was there for me) and he shut off the light, quietly shutting the door on his way out. I snuggled in closer to the blankets and was about to fall asleep when my phone went off, I groaned, slipping out of the warm comfort of the blankets to answer it. I slid the "answer" bar. "Mmm, hello?" I waited for a reply.

"Your mom moved away from you because she hated you," a deep gravely voice emanated from the other line, "she left you because she was to embarrassed to be seen with you in public. I don't really blame her. Why don't you just end it all right now? I bet a lot of people would be happy about that, including Charlie. Come on, think about it...if you were gone, wouldn't everyone else be much happier?"

I forced myself to hang up. I placed my phone back on the nightstand crawled into the bed. My mind started drifting. _Dying couldn't be that bad, could it?_ I brought my thumb up to my mouth and started biting my nail.  _It can't be any worse than this._ Suicide is something I had thought about in the past, but I honestly thought my mind had bannished the idea. I guess not.  _I could do it,"_ my subconsious replied,  _but what about Dean, and Charlie?_ I thought for a moment.  _They'll be okay. They'd move on from me eventually._ There was a lot of thinking that went into taking your own life, I had kept this idea on the backburner for the past 2 weeks. Maybe now was time. I got up again and walked out of the room, in search of a pen and some paper.

"Oh, hey, Cas.I thought you were asleep?" Dean looked over to me from the couch.

I shrugged. "Couldn't sleep for some reason, do you have some paper and pen I could borrow, by chance?" He gave me a questioning look. "Writing helps me sleep sometimes."

He nodded. "Well, there's some paper on my desk in my bedroom, there should be a pen in there as well." I nodded and walked out of the living room, and into Dean's room. I walked over to the desk and turned on the little lamp he had there. Paper and a pen right were right in the middle. I grabbed a piece of the writing material and the pen, taking it back into the spare bedroom across from Dean's. I sat down at the desk that was in there, trying to think about what to write, or  _how_ to write it. I already wrote one to my mom, and charlie. I had also written one for Dean, but I wanted to make a new one. I wanted to make it meaningful.

_Dear Dean,_

_By the time you read this, I'll already be gone._

I crumbled up the piece of paper, deciding that that was not the way you started a suicide note to the guy you loved. After about 5 minutes of just sitting there, I finally came up with something. And about halfway through the letter, I started crying. I couldn't help it. By this time tomorrow, I would be gone and part of me began to wonder if Dean would be okay.  _No! He'll be just fine without me! In fact, he'll probably be better off if I'm gone. Focus on the task at hand._ I pushed the thoughts back and finished writing the letter, going over it again and again just to make sure that it's what I wanted it to be. I folded the piece of paper up and slipped it into my pocket.

"Hey, I'm leaving to go get some dinner, do you want anything?" Dean poked his head in.

"Uhh, yeah...some pizza sounds good." I turned around to face him.

"Alright, I'll be back in about 30 minutes."

I nodded and Dean closed the door. I sat there for a good ten minutes just staring at the salt and pepper carpet.  _I'm going to do this._ My nerves were acting up, but I tried to ignore that I got up and walked over to the bed, grabbing my back pack and pulling out a hunting knife I had bought awhile back. I obserbed the black stainless steel object, dully noting that it was sharp and easy to use.  _As soon as he's asleep, that's when I'll do it._ I bit my lip and closed the knife up, slipping it into my pocket. I left the room and waited for Dean to get back. My thoughts were eating at me. 

"Alright, so," I heard his booming voice as he walked into the house, "I didn't know what you would want, so I just got double pepperoni. I hope that's okay." A gust of cold air blew through the house as he shut the front door. I grabbed the pizza from him. 

"That's fine." We both made our way to the kitchen and I placed the pizza on the island and grabbed two plates from the cabinet. "One slice or two?" I felt Dean's hand wrap around my waist. I sighed, giving in. I wanted to feel this one last time. 

"You know, I'm really not all that hungry now. Do you just want to put the pizza in the fridge and go to bed?" I nodded and closed the box up, putting it on the top shelf of the refridgerator. He grabbed onto my hand and took me into his bedroom. "I'm going to go change," he kissed me on the cheek before stepping into his closet to change out of his clothes. I was already dressed in sleepwear, so I got into bed, keeping my eyes on Dean, watching his muscles flex as he took his shirt off. I smiled to myself. After he was done, he shut off the closet light and crawled into bed with me. I was surprised when he wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my chest, I usually cuddled him, not the other way around. I soflty shook my head and started to comb my fingers through his hair and lightly humming 'Hey Jude'. "You're singing," 

"Yeah." 

"Why?" He looked up to me. 

I shrugged. "I just thought you'd like it." He smiled and put his head back down, snuggling closer. I smiled and started running my fingers through his hair again, starting at the second chorus of the song. After I was done, I laid there silently, watching Dean as he slowly drifted off to sleep. Once I was sure he was out, I sighed heavily. "You look so peacful when you're asleep," My voice was barely above a whisper. "You're going to be okay, I know you will." I slowly slid out of bed and stood over him for a couple of minutes. "I love you, Dean Winchester." I bent down and kissed his forehead gently as a tear slipped down my cheek. I swiped at it and grabbed the letter from my pajama pocket, placing it on the nightstand where I knew he'd find it when he woke up. I crept out of the room and down the hallway, to the second bathroom he had. Once I was inside, I turned on the light, watching myself in the mirror. "I'm going to be okay." 

_Dean's P.O.V. . . ._

I woke up and stirred around a bit, rolling over onto my left side, expecting to see Cas, but I didn't. I pushed myself up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, looking around the room. "Cas." Nothing.  _Where did he go off to now?_ I hopped out of bed and padded out of the room, looking around. He wasn't in the living room or the kitchen.  _He's probably just taking a showe._ I shrugged it off then headed back into my room to get dressed, I found a pair of jeans, then a shirt. I yawned softly and groaned, shimmying into my clothes. I went to grab my phone, there was a letter sitting next to it my name written in the middle. "Huh,"  I picked it up and tore the envelope, pulling out its contents. 

_Dear Dean,_

_I'd like to tsart this off my telling you that no matter what happens, you'll get through it. I know how strong you are. Now that that's out of the way, there's some things I feel like I should tell you. And in light of everything you've found out about me, I think these things need to be said. First off, you're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and I don't even know how to tell you this...You mean, well, everything to me. If there's one thing I want in life, it's for you to be happy. I need you to be happy.  
There's that, now here's the second thing. When I was 15, there was this guy, his name was Chuck. We met, becae friends. At the time, he was older by 4 years. I developed feelings for him pretty quickly, we started dating, and everything was great for about 7 months. Then I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I had problems with this in the passed, but I thought it went away, which I now know will never happen. Anyways, I told chuck and he didn't know how to react. I don't think he'd ever had to deal with something like this before. And at first, he did well. But then I started getting worse. Everyday became a challenge and I couldn't handle it anymore. Chuck didn't understand. When I tried to talk to him about what I was feeling, he practically laughed in my face and told me to take my problems somehwere else. I could smell alcohol on his breath, so naturally someone would think 'oh, he's drunk. He doesn't mean it.' But that's not true. Alcohol doesn't make you say things you don't mean, it makes you say things you're too afraid to say when you're sober. I was so hurt by this, I didn't know what to do. I went home and took a bottle of asprin, washing it down with a bottle of vodka. Charlie found me, I had to go to the hospital and there was a bunch of legal stuff that followed. I stayed in the hospital for about 3 weeks, then I got out. I was taking medication, I had positive people in my life. I thought I was getting better. But these last couple of months...they have been so rough on me. My depression has come back full force and I don't want to take my medication. I shouldn't have to use drugs to make myself happy. I thought that since I had you, I'd be fine, I figured you were like a magic 'cure all' for everything I'm going through. That isn't the case. You do make me happy, but, honestly, I haven't been truly happy since the day I walked into middle school. I've been fighting for too long, I can't do it anymore. It's too much. I just want you to know that none of this is your fault. I know you'll be okay, it may take you awhile, but you'll get there. If you're ever missing me, just look back to this letter and know that I'll always be here with you. I love you, Dean Winchester._

_Love,  
Castiel_

I was confused. _What does this mean?_ I looked over the letter once more. "Fuck," I dropped the letter and ran up to the bathroom door. "Castiel, are you in there?" Nothing. I started banging on the door. "Casitel! Answer me!" Still nothing. I took in a deep breath before backing up, and kicking the door down. I gasped as I saw Cas laying on the floor, a pool of blood surrounding him. "Cas," I ran up to his side and knelt down. "Castiel...what did you do?" I felt for a pulse, there wasn't anything for a few seconds, and then I felt one but it was very faint. "Damnit," I started shaking violently. "Calm down, Dean. Calm down." I took ome deep breaths and tried to push my emotions to the side for now. "Come on buddy." I picked him up bridal style and ran him out to my car, laying him down in the backseat. I quickly got into the drivers side and started the car up, speeding off down the road. "You stay with me, alright Cas?" I knew he wasn't gonna answer but if he could hear me, I needed him to know that he can't just give up on my like this. I won't let him. "You're going to be just fine kiddo, I promise." I pushed the gas pedal just a little bit more, bringing my speed up to 100 MPH. I didn't care if I got stopped, Castiel could die. And I wasn't going to let that happen. I gripped onto the steering wheel as I looked in the reiw veiw mirror, observing Cas. "Oh god," I got choked up and I felt tears sting my eyes. I sniffled and shook my head. "No, I can't do this right now." I kept my eyes on the road, heading down wadsworth towards North Subrban.  
I pulled up into the ER parking lot and got out, leaving my door open as I got into the backseat and picked Castiel up, rushing him in. "I need a doctor!" About 10 seconds later there were about 4 doctors standing around Cas and I.

"What happened?"

"I..I don't know, I found him like this-"

One of the other doctors inturrupted me. "Do you know how much blood he lost?"

"I'm not quite sure," one of the doctors shined a light in both of his eyes, "there was a lot on the bathroom floor, but I don't know how much."

"Let's get a bed over here!" A nurse brought over a bed and they took Cas from me. "Let's bring him back." I stayed right at his side, moving with the doctors. They stopped at room 129. "I'm sorry, sir. You're going to have to wait in our waiting room." She gave me a sympathetic look then shut the room door. I sighed and foudn my way to the waiting rom, sitting down and putting my head into my hands, trying to keep it together so I didn't break down in the middle of the Emergency Room.   
After what seemed like forever, someone approached. me. "Excuse me," I looked up to the nurse, "are you one who brought in a," she looked down to the paper she was holding, "Castiel Novak?"

"Yes I am, why?" My voice cracked.

"Are you his legal guardian?" 

I shook my head, "No, I'm his boyfriend." 

"Are you over the age of 18?" I nodded. She smiled and handed me a clip baord, some paper and a pen. "I need you to fill these out for me, don't wory about the parent/legal guardian part. When it asks for your signature, sign. But make sure you leave his guardians contact information." 

I nodded. "Alright." I took the papers from her and sighed gruffly.

"I'm sure he'll be okay, we have some of Colorado's finest treating him." She gave me a reassuring look.

"Thanks." She smiled and walked away. I looked through the paper work. It asked me things like where Cas was born, how tall he was, how much he weighed, I was able to answer all of those questions with ease. Then I got to 'reason for visit'. My heart shattered as the fact that Castiel tried to take his own life began to sink in. I wrote "attempted suicide" and signed off, getting up and walking over to the nurses' station. "Here." I handed a different nurse the forms I had filled out.

"What are these?"

"Uhh, one of your nusres," I looked around, but didn'y find her, "she handed these to me and told me to fill them out. I'm the one who brought in Castiel Novak," saying his full name sounded weird to me. "Do you know if he's going to be okay?" 

"h, yes, Castiel," she flipped through all of the papers, "he lost quite a lot blood, we had to have the red cross bring in some blood since we were a little low. He's getting the transfusion right now. And after that's done," she stopped talking for a moment, "he tried to take his life?" She looked up at me, mortified.

"Yeah, I uhh...I guess so." I swallowed hard as a couple of tears rolled down my cheek.

The nurse placed her hand over mine. "I am so sorry," I bit my lip, she sighed and removed her hand. "I'll have to bring this information to his primary doctors." 

"What are they going to do?" 

"Honestly," she gave me a look of sympathy, "I don't know. But in my experience, they'll keep him here for two to three days, then move him him to our mental health facility. After that, it's out of our hands." 

"Thank you." I turned around and walked back over to the chair I had been sitting in previously. I couldn't stop it this time. The tears kept coming, I sobbed quietly into my hands.  _How could I have let this happen?_


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam comes back into the picture in this chapter. (: Hope y'all enjoy.

_Dean's P.O.V. . ._

 

I had been sitting in the waiting room for 7 hours. No one had told me anything, and everytime I would ask about Castiel, they would tell me that they'd get some information and bring it to me, but they still hadn't. My hair was a mess, I probably looked like shit and there was dried up blood all over my clothes. My head was pounding, I felt sick to my stomach. My whole life seemed to come crashing down on me all at once, I had never felt like this, like someone was ripping me apart slowly but surely...not since Mom died. 

"Dean," I looked up and my breath caught. Standing about 7 feet away was my younger brother, Sam." 

"Sammy," My voice was laced with shock. 

"Come here," he walked over to me and I stood up, allowing him to pull me into his arms. "I'm so sorry." I gripped onto him like a lifeline. I couldn't control the tears that were shed. I sobbed into Sam's shoulder. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't allow it. "No, you don't have to hide this from me. It's okay to not be okay once in awhile." He hugged me just a bit tighter. We stayed like that quite some time. "Are you going to be okay?" I pulled away and swiped at my watery weakness.

"I don't know," after a couple of seconds, I spoke up again, "how did you-?"

"Oh, uhh," he scratched the back of his neck, "a girl named Charlie got ahold of me, I came down as fast as I could."  

"You came all the way from Stanford?" He nodded. "I'm sorry, it's just...I haven't seen you since..since the day you graduated...I'm just shocked to see you," The tension in the air was palpable. "Thank you for coming, but you didnt have to." 

His expression softened. "Of course I had to, he's your boyfriend, Dean. You must be losing your mind right now." 

We both sat down. "Yeah," I nodded. "I don't even know how it happened..." I recalled the whole day, "we talked, he seemed fine. Everything was okay.." I looked down to my lap, a lump of emotion crawling up my throat, "everything was okay." 

"Dean, you couldn't have known," he gave me a look of sympathy. 

"Yeah, I guess." I rubbed my face with my hands. "Anyways, how uhh," I looked over to him, "how have you been?" 

"I've been good, I actually just started taking these new classes-" 

"Excuse me," One of the doctors that helped Castiel when I brought him came up to us, "I'm looking for Dean Winchester," I stood up again, "Castiel is still unconsious, but we've stabalized him. You can go back and see him whenever you'd like." He offered a small smile and left the room. 

"I should-" 

Sam stood, "Go see him, I'll stop by a burger joint and pick you up some grub," he started to walk out of the room, then stopped and turned to face me, "and I won't forget the pie." With that, he left and I stood there for a couple of minutes, trying to make myself go into Castiel's room. My heart was racing and I felt the anxiety wash over me. I was scared of what I was going to see when I walked into that hospital room...

"Come on, Dean," I was talking to myself, "go in there." I stepped into his room and looked around, the huge heart monitor machine catching my eye. it was beeping steadly. Next was the bag of clear liquid they were giving Cas through an IV, it slowly dripped down the tube. He had two tubes in his nostrils, I don't know what they're called but I do know that they're used to help keep oxygen levels high. I bit my lip as I observed Castiel. He was as pale as a ghost, his eyes sunken in and his lips dry, they were beginning to crack. His hair looked a mess, but it always looked like that. I observed the bandages wrapped securely around mid-wrist. I flinched at the thought of what I knew was underneath them. My heart wrenched and my stomach notted. I swallowed thickly and quietly made my way over to his bedside, grabbing a chair and shifting it forward so I could sit close. I grabbed onto his hand and squeezed lightly. A huge wave of emotion washed over me for the third time today, and I found myself crying again. "God, why is this so hard," The tears  began to fall and I sniffled. "I shouldn't have let this happen to you." I didn't know if he could hear me or not, but if he could, I needed him to hear this. "It's my job to protect you..you were counting on me and I-" I got choked up for a minute, "I let you down. I'm sorry..." My voice cracked. "Oh god, I'm so sorry." I pulled Castiel's hand sligthly closer to mine as I started to cry harder.   
After about 30 minutes, I had gathered myself and I was laying back in the chair, my eyes heavy. I could feel myself drifting off to sleep. "No," I spoke outloud, "you have to stay awake." I kept repeating that to myself, abuot 5 minutes later, sleep took over.  
***  
"Dean," I could feel someone lightly shaking me, "dean." I fluttered my eyes open and pulled my neck up. 

"Ah," I groaned at the stiffness. "Sammy?"

"I have food. I came in about 20 minute ago, you were asleep so I thought I'd let you rest, but I knew you'd be pissed if you woke up and your pie had gotten cold." He handed me a paper bag with the label 'Village Inn' on it. I looked over to him, he shrugged. "That's the only place I could find near here."

"Thank you, Sam. I appreciate it." I opened the bag up and grabbed the white box out od there. Inside was a burger, I was expecting myself to be hungry, but after one look at the thing, I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. "I'll uhh," I closed the box up and placed it back inside the bag, setting it to the side, "I'll eat later. I don't think I'll be able to keep food down right now."

Sam nodded in understanding, "do you need some Ativan?"

I shook my head. "No, I think I'll be fine." I glanced over to Cas, observing him once more, which only made my heart twist. "I'll be better once I know if he's going to be okay or not," 

My brother nibbled at his lip. "Dean, you know I struggled with what Castiel is going through right now," I nodded, waiting for him to continue, "he will be okay, but it's going to take a lot of time and patience. You've both got long roads ahead of you but I know y'all can get through this. I'll be there to help and support you every step of the way." I was shocked for a moment, "oh," he seemed to regret saying it, "I didn't tell you." He looked down to the floor, avoiding my eyes.

"Sam," I pressed. 

"Look, it's no big deal. They don't mind and-" 

"Who doesn't mind what?" I stopped him mid sentence. "Sam, what did you do?" 

"I'm taking a year off from Stanford."

My breath caught. "You're what?" 

"It really isn't a big deal, I spoke with the administrators and explained what was happening, they insisted I took some time so I could be here for you." I was going to speak, but Sam beat me to it, "I want to be here for you," when I didn't have a response, he continued talking, "Look, Dean, I haven't exactly been brother of the year, as soon as I graduated high school, I was gone. I didn't even say bye to dad.." 

"I don't think Dad wanted you to say bye to him," 

Sam chuckled, "Yeah, you're probably right." 

After a couple of minutes of silence, I spoke up. "So a year off, huh?" He nodded. "You need a place to stay?" He shook his head. "Where are you going to be staying then?" 

"Uhh," his cheeks seemed to redden, "it's a girl, her name is Jessica. She lives in Westminster, not far from you actually." 

"You know where I live?" He subtly nodded. "That's full on stalker mode. You never go full on stalker mode, Sammy." We both laughed for a couple of minutes. The knotts in my stomah seemed to subside and my hands weren't shaking as bed. I have to admit that having Sam here did help out quite a bit. After all, I hadn't seen him in almost 6 years, after he graduated, he packed up and left. He called maybe twice a year, sometimes three, other than that i never saw nor spoke to him. 

 "Hey," he pulled me out of my thoughts, "you should go home. Grab a change of clothes, something to eat and get some rest. When Castiel wakes up I'm sure he doesn't want to see your bloody clothes and black bags under his eyes." I opened my mouth to protest, "No. No arguments allowed. Go home, Dean. He'll be fine. I'll call if anything changes." 

"But-"

"No buts. Take your ass out to that shitty car of yours, and go home."

"Hey," I pointed a finger at him, "don't insult baby, she's got nothing to do with this."

He chuckled, "Yeah, okay. Just go back to your place, just for a couple of hours. Everything will be as it was when you come back," the apprehension on my face was probably visable, "Go," henodded his head towards the door. I sighed heavily and got up from the very stiff chair, my back cracking in response. "You're getting old and rickety." I shot him a sharp glare. "I'm kidding." I rolled my eyes and bent down, kissing Cas on his cheek, then grabbing my keys from my pocket.

"You promise you'll call?"

"Yes, Dean."

I stopped at the doorway to look at Castiel for a couple of seconds, worried what would happen if I left. _He'll be fine._ With one last look at Cas, I walked out.  

_Sam's P.O.V. . ._

I watched as Dean walked out of the room, leaving me with Castiel. I sighed and observed Castiel. He looked young, 17, maybe 18. Not that I was judging, Dean was only 26, so I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I dully noted some of Castiel's physical features. His hair, height, stuff like that. It's something I do whenever I meet someone new, it used to confuse the hell out of Dean. I smiled as a memory surfaced.

_*****_

_"She's 5'2'', dark brown hair. Definitely not her natural color though. Hazel eyes with blue specks. I also noticed her her fingers, they lookede calloused. Do you think she plays guitar?" I looked up to Dean as we walked out of school._

_He seemed confused, "how do you know dark brown isn't her natural hair color?"_

_"Her roots were lighter than the rest of her hair," I shrugged._

_"But how did you even notice that?"_

_"How can you NOT notice that?"_

_"And how did you even notice her fingers?" He scratched his head._

_"Dean," I laughed,_

_"You''re crazy, I think that's what it is" he shook his head as we both got into the impala. "But let me tell you a secret," he looked over to me and smiled, "all the best people are."_

_*****_

The memory may not seem like much, but it had always held a special place in my heart.   
I was pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of Castiel's voice.

"I'm not taking that shit," Castiel crossed his arms over his chest.

"You have to, it prevents infection as well as helping the healing process." The nurse tryed coaxing him to take the medicine.

"No." He pushed it away, then looked over to me. "Who are you?" 

"Dean's brother," he seemed shocked for a moment, "Sam." 

"I've heard about you." 

"Look," I stood up, "I'm sure this lovely lady would love to get back to her job so will you please just take the medication?" He seemed hesitant at first, but after a couple of seconds, he popped the oval pill into his mouth, washing it down with some water then urse provided. She gave me a smile as she walked out. "So," I focused my attention to him. "You're the guy my brother has been dating." He nodded, his cheeks heating. "How old are you?" 

"17, tyrning 18 less than a month." I nodded. "You...you don't mind, do you?" 

"Oh, no," I waved my hand in the hair, "you seem like a great guy." 

"How uhh," Castiel cleared up his throat, "how is he?" 

I sighed. "He's pretty shaken up, other than that he seems to be okay. I sent him home because his clothes were all bloody and he needed to get some est as well as some food into his system." He nodded. There was an awkward silence for a couple of minuntes. "Hey, can I ask you something?" He looked at me for a couple of seconds before nodding. "Why did you do it?" The growing tension in the air was palpable. "Look, Castiel," I paused for a moment to think of something to say, "I don't know you, you don't know me. But I want you to know that you can talk to me, I won't judge you, I understand exactly what you're going through, I just want you to know that you aren't alone." I could see a glossly film coating his eyes. "Hey, it's okay." I gave him a look of reassurance. 

"It's not okay," he quickly swiped at the tear that escaped his eye, "god, I fucking hate this," his voice cracked, "I didn't expect to wake up ever again...and then I come to and I'm here," he looked around the room, "and I know I should be happy that I'm okay and doing well, but I'm not. I'm angry." He looked over to me, saddness clearly in his eyes. "I really wanted to die. I couldn't stand being around the people I loved and knowing that I had let them down or hurt them...and knowing that they would be better off without me.." his voice faltered. 

"I'm not going to tell you that it's not okay to be angry, because it is," he looked shocked for a moment, "I was in your same exact position about 7 years ago," I took in a deep breath, "I understand what it's like want to die, I tried to take my own life." My eyes started stinging. "Dean found me before I was able to take all of the pills I had and he knocked them out of my hand," I gripped onto my hannds to keep from shaking at the awful memory, "he wrapped his arms around me and I couldn't move to pick them all up, I was screaming at him to let me go, but he wouldn't. He kept his arms tightly wraped around me and he kept repeating 'you're going to be okay, Sammy' over and over again." My stomach twisted, "I was angry at him when I went to a mental health facility, I was angry because I didn't want to have to live another day on this fucked up planet. I wanted to take my life." Castiel listened intently, "And now, here I am 7 years later. Graduating from Stanford in two years, then I'm headed off to new york. And you know what? I'm hapy that Dean stopped me all those years ago, I wouldn't be where I was if it wasn't for him." I stared down to my hands. 

"Sammy," I heard a deep gravely voice ring out behind me, I turned my body and found myself looking right at Dean. "You never told me that." I shrugged. He walked over to me and I got up. He pulled me into his arms and squeezed me tight. After a couple of minutes, he let go. "Could you give Castiel and I minute?" I nodded and walked out of the room 

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

My heart started pounding as soon as Dean asked if Sam could give us a minute alone.  _He's going to tell me he doesn't want someone like he._ My stomach knotted.   
As soon as Sam was gone, I sat up and crossed my legs. Dean walked over to the chair that was sitting next to the bed I was currently in and sat down, staring at his hands for a couple of minutes. "well," I spoke up, "say something." My hands were shaking. 

"I just," He sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead with his fingers, "I don't understand." He looked up to me. I dully noted how his eyes were rimmed red and slightly puffy. "I don't understand why you would do this..." He swiped at the lone tear that made its way down his cheek. "Why did you do it?" His voice was barely above a whisper. 

"Dean,"

"No," he put his hand up, stopping me, "tell me. Please."

"I just-" I tried to think of a way to say this. "Everything was...it was too too much. I couldn't handle any of it. Things just progressively got worse and worse..It was a constant struggle to stay positive all of the time, most of te time, my goal was just to get through the day. It felt like I was being suffocated, I was afraid to ask for help in fear of being judged by the people around me. You, Charlie," my voice faltered for a minute, "I was scared, and I felt like I was alone, everything just fell apart right in front of my eyes. I didn't know what else to do. It was all just too much..."

"Castiel, why wouldnt' you just talk to me?" 

I avoided eye contact. "I'm sorry.." I got choked up for a minute, "are you mad at me?" I hesitantly looked over to him. 

His face softened. "No, why-" He bit his lip, "I'm not mad, baby. Come here." He got up and very gently pulled me into his arms. " I could neevr be mad at you." I buried my head into his shoulders and started crying. "Shhh, it's okay." He rubbed small circles onto my back. "It's all going to be okay, I promise." 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Backstory of this chapter is; Castiel had been in a mental facility for two and a half weeks, he's back at Charlie's.

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

 

"Dean," I waited a couple of seconds, "Deano.." Nothing. "Baby?" I continued throwing the pieces of popcorn at him. "Babe, pay attention to me damn it." I sighed gruffly.

"Baby," He turned around, putting his hand over the speaker, "I'm on the phone. Give me a minute please." He took his hand away and turned back around. I watched him walk around the room, back and forth. He looked a little bit stressed out.   
Once he hung up, I started talking again.

"Who were you talking to?

Just a friend," he shrugged, "is all of your stuff packed?" I nodded. "Alright, I'll load it into my car." He picked up the two black duffle bags that contained all of my clothing. Once he left the room, Charlie sat up from her spot on the bed. 

"Are you excited about moving in with Blake?"

"Yeah," I shrugged, "I guess."

"Why just 'I guess'?"

I sighed. "I don't know...after being transferred from the hospital to north suburban and then coming back here, I just," I fell back onto the bed, "I want to stay in one place. I feel kind of overwhelmed."

"So you don't want to move in with Dean?" Charlie flopped down next to me.

"No, I do. It's just that I feel bad for putting him through all of this..I mean, you can see how much of a toll it's taken on him. Then there's the fact that he always has this look in his eyes... like he still feels responsible for what happened."

Charlie sighed. "Look, I know the last three weeks have been tough, with all the evaluations, counseling and medications..I understand that it's been tough on yoou, but it's been tough on everyone else, too. I don't know if Dean still thinks that all of this is fault, but I do know that what you did had an affect on everyone around you. It's going to take time to adjust. But, you know what? That was in the past. It happened and now it's done and over with. I know it's not something that's going to go away over night, but it's behind us now and we can start moving forward.

I shut my eyes, trying to hold back the lump of emotion that was slowly rearing its ugly head. "I know it's in the past. But," I blew out a shaky breath, "I'm scared, Charlie."

"Why are you scared?" Her voice was laced with worry.

I took in a deep breath. "Because...I'm  afraid I'll slip up and do something that I won't be able to come back from."

Charlie sat up, "Then you need to promise me something...I need you to promise me that you'll stay on your medication, I know that's not some cure all but it will help, and I need you to talk to Dean about this, let him help you."

I sat up and got off of the bed. "I don't know if I can promise you that, Charlie." I sighed and walked out of the room, going to join Dean in his car. "Hey, Babe. Are you ready?" I nodded and jumped into the passenger side, looking behind me at the leather seats he had to replace after rushing me to the hospital.  "So...I was thinking we could just order in and watch some movies. Sound good?" I turned back around as Dean got into the driver's seat and buckled in.

 "That sounds good." I clicked my belt into place.

 "Alright, What do you-" He was cut off by the sound of his phone pinging from a text. He picked it up and read it, looking alarmed after doing so.

"Who was it from?"

Dean shook his head. "Just a friend, no biggy." He set his phone back down and started the car, driving off to his house. I could tell that he was lying about something. And whatever it was, it was on his phone, and I intended on finding out just what exactly that text message said.  
***  
I walked into Dean's house. It looked  _different._ His hunting knives that were displayed above the fireplace were gone, that weird pointy thing he used to have placed in the center of his table was gone, and his shotgun that was in a display case was gone as well. "Hey Dean, where is all of your hunting gear?" We both walked into the kitchen.

"Oh...I uh," He nibbled at his lip, "I put it in storage. There isn't much hunting to do here anyways, not unless I want to drive up to the mountains, which I really don't ever have the time for." He walked over to the drawer and pulled out a pair of scissors. "I'll be right back." He darted out of the kitchen and came back minutes later, without the scissors.

"Where are the scissors?"

"Need a new pair, those once were rusty. I threw them out." He continued searching through all of his drawers.

'What are you looking for?"

"The power has been kind of funky lately," He turned towards me, "just looking for the flashlight is all." He smiled. 

He was hiding something from me, I could feel it. Sighing, I decided to push it away for now. "I need to get some fresh air," I stepped towards the front door, "Ill be back in a little bit."

Dean jumped to my side. "I'll go with you."

I shook my head. "No, I'm good." I stepped away from him and walked to the door.

"I insist." He stepped in my space.

"Alright, what the hell is going on?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Wha-what to you  mean?" He  looked so innocent.

"You know what I mean, Dean." He seemed taken aback by my tone. 

"Cas, baby, I really don't know what you mean." He looked at me with his big bright green eyes.

"How about the fact that all of your knives and guns and scissors are gone." I said defensively.

"Cas, I told you that they were in storage." He placed one arm on my shoulder.

"Bullshit," I pushed him arm away, "Fine, how about the fact that you won't even let me take a walk by myself."

"I just wanted to accompany you." He put his hands in his pockets.

"That's a load of shit and you know it, Dean!" I poked his chest with my finger.

"Castiel, I think you need to go lay down."

Then it hit me, the reason why Dean was acting all weird and why he had put every sharp and or pointy object 'in storage'. "You don't trust me." I said, backing away slowly.

"What do you mean, Cas? Of course I trust you." He took a step closer to me. 

"No, you don't. You didn't trust me enough to be around anything that I could hurt myself with, and you don't trust me to go anywhere by myself." I looked to the front door, thinking about just walked out. 

"Come on, Castiel. You know tha tisn't true."

I snapped. "You lying son of a bitch! If you didn't trust me than you shouldn't have had me move in here with you. I can't fucking believe you." I pushed him out of my way and ran out the door. And I kept running and running and running until I couldn't run anymore.  
I was forced to stop running when my lungs couldn't handle the rapid oxygen intake. Putting my hands above my head, I took in deep breatrs trying to steady my heart rate. I was still angry. "Damnit," I sighed heavily and looked around me, I was by Wayne Carle Middle school. I jumped when my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I anwered it without checking caller ID. "Hello?"

"Castiel..Baby, I do trust you. It's just that I-" I hung up and shoved my phone back into my pocket. I sighed gruffly and sat down right where I stood. I hated this. Dean not trusting me. It hurt knowing that there wasn't an ounce of trust on his side. I know it seems like I'm making a big deal out of this, but to me, trust is the building block of all relationships. If you don't have trust, then what do you have? Nothing. It's like giving someone a shoe with no laces, it will still do its job, but not in the way you want it to.   
I looked around me, there was the middle school, and ketner lake. I was currently sitting in a field, I'm assuming it's apart of the park, but I didn't come down here very often. I pulled out my phone and unlocked it, finding Dean'd contact and thinking about calling him.

"No," I locked the phone again and shoved it back into my pocket.   
I must have been sitting there for 20, maybe 30 minutes when I saw a very familiar black chevy impala drive by. The car stopped and Dean got out. "Cas," he looked directly at me, "what are you doing? Get into the car and let's go home." I ignored him. "Castiel," he made his way towards me, "you're sitting in a public park like a child. Get up, and let's go."

I turned to face him. "So what? You're giving me orders now? No, fuck that. You can fuck off." I got up and started walking away. I heard Dean growl low in his throat as he grabbed onto my arm, making me face him, then pushing me down onto the ground, pinning me down. His lips collided with mine, his tongue barging into my mouth and starting a war. "Castiel, I trust you." He whispered it into my ear and started sucking on my neck.

"Uh, Dean-" I felt myself slowly getting hotter and hotter, "Dean...not here, okay?" I pushed him off of me and sucked in a much needed breath.

"Car. Now." I complied and walked into up to the car and hopped in. 

 _I'm supposed to be mad at him...now I'm going back to his house to have sex with him...although, sex with Dean was nice._ I mentally cursed at myself for being so weak.  _Oh, come on, Castiel. Just give in, stop acting like a 6 year old._ My sub consious scolded me.   
Before I kenw it, we were in the driveway of his way. "Come on," I got out of the car and he abruptly pushed me onto the hood of his car, I was slightly taken aback for a couple of seconds.

"D-dean-"

"No one's home right now, and if they are," he looked up and smirked, "fuck 'em." He unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them, along with my boxers, down. My cock springing free from it's clothed prison. I saw him lick his lips before taking my length into his mouth.

"Dean, oh god...that feels amazing." He hummed lightly, bobbing his head up and down, but stopped after a few minutes. "What, n-no," He picked me up and brought me into the house and up to his bedroom. He finished taking off my pants, then my shirt. It was awkward because he was still fully dressed, but it was (for some reason) a turn on for me. "Hold on," he opened the drawer of his nightstand and grabbed some lube and a condom."

"Uh, Dean...you're still," I motioned towards his clothes.

He looked down. "Oh, I wanted you to do that." He smirked and towered over me. I grabbed his shirt and ripped it open.

"I'm so fucking mad at you right now." He just smiled.

"There's nothing better than angry sex." I rolled my eyes and yanked his pants off, throwing them onto the carpet along with my clothes. "Are you ready?" I nodded and pulled him onto my lips. He smiled into the kiss and slicked up his first finger, slowly sliding it down my body, then to my enterance, pushing inserting it down to his knuckle. I gasped into his mouth. "Are you okay?" I nodded and he worked in another finger, this time, I bit his bottom lip, causing it to bleed.

"Shit, I'm sorry." I gave him a sheepish look.

"I never pegged you for a biter." He smiled and found my lips again. Pushing in a third finger, I was practically begging for it.

"Dean...please. Come on." I bucked my hips onto his fingers.

"Alright, Mr.I'm-Impatient." He took his fingers out, and placed me on my hands and knees. "Are you ready?" I nodded and felt Dean's tip penatrate my entrance.

"Shit." I took a few deep breaths as he went deeper and deeper. "Dean, can you move it along please?" I felt him pull out, then smash back in. He hit my sweet spot right away, causing me to cry out.

"You like that, huh?" He did it again.

"Dean...Holy fuck." I bit into a pillow. He hit the spot 2 more times before he suddenly pulled out and flipped me over onto my back. "What the.." He smiled.

"I want to see you come undone under my control,"

I let out a laugh. "Okay." He went back inside me then found that certain spot again. "Dean...oh god, shit...so close." He wrapped a hand around my cock and started matching the pumps with the pace of his dick.

"Come on, Baby. Come for me." That's all it took for me to go head first over the edge.

"Oh, oh god!" Liquid heat spilled all over Dean's hands and onto my stomach. He rode me through my climaz as he reached his.  _  
_

"Castiel," he panted out as he came.  
***  
After cleaning up, I was laying on Dean's chest as he traced invisble lines on my skin. I was shocked when he grabbed my wrists and traced my stitched ever so gently. I tried to pull them away but he held on to me. "Castiel, can you promise me something?" I looked up his his bright green eyes.

"Depends on  what it is, honestly."

He began tracing all of my older scars. "Don't ever to this to yourself again."

I sighed. "Dean, I-"

"Castiel, please," he cut meo off, "promise me you'll try to get better."

I wrapped my arms around Dean's middle and snuggled closer. "I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is poorly written, I've been extremly sick lately but I haven't updated so I thought I would. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> (sorry for the dull smut)


	14. Chapter 14

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

 

I sat down on my bed, legs pulled up to my chest, my throat so raw that it hurt to even swallow, my nose was running and my eyes were red and splotchy. I felt like my lungs were collpasping, my chest was tight. I sucked in a deep but shakey breath,thinking back to when Dean held my wrists in his hands and asked me to promise him not to do anything to harm myself ever again...I can't break that promise, I've already broken it multiple times since then, and taking my own life? God knows what he and Charlie would do to get me back..I sighed and shook my head, which was pounding. I had been crying all night, from dusk to dawn. And now, here comes the million dollar question. How do I hide it from Dean? I don't want him to see me and start freaking out on me. That's the last thing I need right now.  _How can I hide it from him?_ I look around the room, trying to find something that would work...anything.  _I could wear_ sunglasses..I shook my head at the idea. _Dean would notice, nothing slips past him, and I mean absolutely nothing._ I guess I didn't have any other options though, so, sunglass it was. I grabbed the blue rimmed aviators from the nightstand, slipping them on. I look down to my arms and see the deep angry wounds that had only just stopped bleeding not too long ago. _I'll just wear my jacket._ I grab my leather jacket off of the dresser and put it on, hiding my arms. I take in one more breath before going downstairs.   
"Hey," I slide past Dean and into the living room to sit down. 

"Morning, Sunshine, did you sleep good?" He follows me.

"Eh, yeah." I say, shrugging my shoulders.

"That's good. Why are you wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket inside?"

I start panicking.  _What should I say?_ "I'm catching a cold, so I'm a little chilly, and I'm hungover. You know, the norm."  _I could've done worse.._

"Where did you get the alcohol from?"

"Oh, I grabbed some of yours...I hope you don't mind." I gave him a sheepish look.

"I didn't notice any of it gone," He glanced back to his alcohol cabinet.

_Shit,_ "Oh, yeah," I shook my head lightly, "I was going to take some of yours but then I just had Charlie bring some. I must have got drunker than I thought last night," I chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of my neck. 

Dean gives me a suspicious look before shaking his head. "Well, alright then, I'm gonna go back to bed, I didn't sleep well last night, I kept haring noises." He gets up from his current spot in the chair and walked over to me, bending down to kiss me. "I love you." 

"I love you, too." I give him a smile and watch him walk up the stairs, waiting until I hear his door shut. I let out a huge sigh of relief and release my tensing muscles. I wait about another 25 minutes just to be sure that he won't come back down. I get up and walk over to one of the mirrors in the living room, taking off the sunglases and jacket. I'm greeted by my arms, red and angry. My eyes now a brighter shade of red and still splotchy. I let my head hit the mirror, and a tear roll down my check again. "I just want to feel okay again..." I let out a little sob before hearing a deep gravely voice ring out.

"Cas?" I wipe the tear away, slip the jacket back on, and put the glasses on.

"Hey." I turn around to face him.

"What were you just doing?" He gestured towards the mirror.

"Oh, nothing. Just checking myself out, you know how I am." I say, tyring to force sarcasm into my voice.

"Why were your eyes all red and puffy?" He moved a little closer. I shuffle my feet around a little. "Baby, were you crying?"

I shake my head immediately. "No, just the cold." I knew he wouldn't believe me.

"Then take off your glasses." He came up to me and took off the sunglasses.

"Dean, give them back." I reach for them but he moves them away.

"You were crying, weren't you?" He loosens his grip on the glasses and I snatch them away.

"It doesnt matter, I'm leaving anyways." I start walking to the door but he grabbed onto my jacket sleeve and the jacket came off, revealing the new cuts. He pulled the jacket away and gasped softly.

"Castiel, I-" I turn away and head for the door, but Dean blocks me.

"Get out of my way, Dean." I try pushing him, but I already know it's no good. "Dean, move!" He doesn't even flinch. I turn around and see the back door, making a run for it. Only to be tackled to the ground a few seconds later. He placed me on my back and pinned my wrists above my head. "Dean, get off of me!" I try to wiggle away, but he weighs too much.

"You can whine all you want, but you're not getting up from this spot until you tell me why in the hell you let this happen again." I turn my head away and let a tear roll down my cheek." No, you know what. I'm done." He got off of me and I got up. "You know one thing you don't realize, Castiel? You're hurting everyone around you! It kills me to see you like this, and I've tried to help you, but all you do is push me away! I'm done being pushed around, so if you want to leave, go right ahead. But I don't want you coming back until you realize that people do care about you, and people do want to help you."

I sigh, and walk towards the door, stopping with my hand on the knob. "You think I don't know that?" It was barely above a whisper.

"What?"

I turn around, making eye contact with him. "You think I don't know that I'm hurting other people?"

Dean looks at me with those big bright emerald eyes. "I know you know that, Cas. But, why won't you ask for help? I just don't understand."

I shake my head. "And that's just the thing, you will _never_ understand,Dean. All the things that happen to me, the phone calls, the e-mails, the messages, the physical and mental abuse I endure...You won't ever be able to understand the hell that I go through every day. And you know what? The only reason I'm still here is because I made a promise to you.  And I plan on keeping it. So rethink about what you just said, because I do care...Goddamnit Dean! I care to fucking much about what everybody else thinks that I never think about what I need and what I want." I sigh and fall back onto the couch, pinching the bridge of my nose, "I would feel so much better if I could just..talk..about everything, get it all off my chest, but I don't know how."

"Then I'll try and help you out with that," he sat down next to me, "tell me, I'm all ears."

"It's not just the phone calls...It's everyhting," I let out an exhasperated sigh, "that's why I've been coming home with black eyes, and..., this." I lifted up my shirt revealing a huge sea of black, blues and purples. 

"Oh my god, Castiel! Why in the hell wouldn't you tell me about this?" He looked at me, eyes blown wide.

"Because, I didn't want you to worry." I put my shirt back down.

"Well, now I'm worrying, because whoever did that to you won't stop, Cas, you have tell me who did this."

"No," I shook my head, "Do you think I really want him to find out I snitched? What do you think he'll do to me then? No, fuck that, I won't do it, I won't."

Dean pulld out both my arms. "Do you see what he's making you do to yourself? Do you?!" I tried pulling my arms away. "Castiel, look at your arms. Look at them! Do you see those?" He tightned his grip.

"Dean, you're hurting me. Please let go." I tried pulling away again.

"No, you're going to see this." He too me into the bathroom and lifted up my shirt. "Look at yourself, Castiel. Do you really want to go through this again?" I looked down to the floor.

"Dean-" He inturrupted me.

"No, look at youself, goddamnit!" I felt like he was going to break my wrists.

"Blake, you're hurting me. Let go!" He released my wrists and walked into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. I sighed gruffly, realizing what I had just done. "Dean, wait!" I ran after him. "Dean, can you please open the door?" I put my ear to it and heard soft sobs. "No, no, no. Don't cry, Dean, please don't cry."  _This is all my fucking fault. Way to go, Novak._ I sighed and let my head hit the door. "Dean, I'm sorry I never told you anything, and I should've. I know that, but I don't want you to blame this on yourself, and I know you still do. I didn't want that. Now do you see why I kept it from you? I just...I didn't know if I should ask for help or not, I felt like everyone would judge me and call me a freak. It's happened before. And you know what, you're right. I should tell someone. I should get all of it off of my chest..." I took in a deep breath, "I get these phone calls that always told me I should kill myself and that everyone woule be better off without me, then the emails started, which were way worse. But...when I tried to kill myself...I was under the impression that you wouldn't miss me, or that you were ashamed to me around me. I had this feeling that wouldn't go away, and I had it for a long time, and to tell you the truth...I still have it. It's not going to go away, but you're right, telling someone does make me feel better because I know that you'll help me through all of this and that you won't judge me. I need help, and I know that." I let a few tears roll onto my cheeks. "Dean, I'm sorry I caused you so much pain, I never wanted that. I love you." I started crying, then I heard the door open and I looked up at Dean, seeing that his eyes were now also red and puffy. "Dean, I'm sorry, I am." I got up.

"I know you are, baby. I know." He pulled me into a hug and I burrowed my head into his shoulder. "I'm sorry I was so rough with you, I didn't mean to be," He swallowed thickly, "Don't you dare ever leave me, Castiel Novak."

I hugged just a little bit tighter. "I won't."


	15. Chapter 15

I apologize for anyone who read that last chapter

 

I published it before I got the chance to edit it. 

 

oops

**Author's Note:**

> If you've read the other fic, you can tell that I've taken away and added some details.
> 
> If you haven't read the other one, I highly suggest you don't. Only because these two fictions will be very similar to one another and reading the other one will only spoil what's to come in this one. 
> 
> Comment and tell me what you think!!


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